Conversations I've had with my kids...

Step Daughter when she was 4.

Me: Are you eating boogers?!?
Her: Yes.
Me: Why?
Her: Cause they taste good.
Other Kid: What do they taste like?
Her: Raspberries!!!

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Them today.

8 yr and 16 yr old (Now)
Him: If you don't stop bugging me, I'm gonna tell everyone about you eating Raspberries!
Her" WAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

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My son when he was 3.

Him: Mom, I know all about boys and girls!
Me: You do? Tell me what you know.
Him: Boys have penises and Girls have china!
Me: That's right! You are VERY smart!

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My son at 6.

Him: Mom, I know all about sex!
Me: Hush up and eat your burger.
Him: I do Mom!! I know that you have had sex 3 times. To make me, my brother and my sister!
Me: That's right!
Him: Mawmaw has had sex 5 times. To make Nana, Uncle C, Uncle J, Uncle B and Aunt J.
Me: That's right!
Him: But she's so old, I don't know who'd want to have sex with her!

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My son now.

Me: Good Morning!
Him:
Me: Love ya!
Him:
Me: Give mommy a kiss!
Him:
Me: Wanna see the stretch marks that you put on Mommy's tummy?
Him: NNNOOOOO NNNNOOO NNNOOO!!!!

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My other son at 2.

Him: I am pursefect. (perfect)
Me: You sure are!

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My other son now (at 21)

Him: Look Mom, I got a tattoo!
Me: Lord, help me!
Him: Look Mom, I got another tattoo!
Me: Kill me now!
Him: Look Mom, I got my nose pierced!
Me: TAKE ME NOW JESUS!!

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My Niece at 8.

Her: I really like Pokemon.
Me: Why?
Her: Cause boys like 'em.

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My Neice now (15)
Her: I'm in love!
Me: Really? How long have you known him?
Her: Since yesterday!
Me: Um, don't you think that's a little quick?
Her: He's the love of my life!! Can I go to the skating ring? How does this shirt look? My butt is so big. I hate my chin. My boobs are too little. Can I borrow ten dollars? Do you think XYZ likes me?
Me: AAAAARRRRRGGGG!!!