Monday, August 06, 2007

This Stay-at-Home-Mom crap sucks!!

Warning! This post is long and tragic...

Ok, so I thought I'd take a vacation day from work today to send the hubby and kid off to the 1st day of school with a good hot breakfast and lots of love....HA!!What the heck was I thinking?!?!? I was wondering what SAHM do all day... Now I know, and it ain't pretty.

When I told the hubby that I was taking today off, I suddenly saw the wheels turning in his little mind.... I told him that I would cook a nice breakfast and fix little missy's hair so ALL the kids woud look at how cute she looked and die with envy!

He immediately assigned the following for me to do today.
1. Get emissions on the car
2. Drop off drycleaningThen Little Missy added
3 Get crickets for stupid unwanted toads that refuse to get old and die.

Then hubby added (by way of the child 'cause he knew I was already fuming.)
4. Pick up prescriptions. (Which was ok, because I needed to pick up my crazy pills at CVS anyway.)

So I thought 'since I wasn't doing nothing', I'd
5. Get the oil changed on the car.6. Get the repairman to check out the stove that WON"T FREAKING LIGHT TO SAVE MY LIFE!
7. Take mystery movies that I forgot we had A MONTH AGO back to blockbuster.
8. Pick up some contacts.

So this morning comes too early for my SAHM day. At 6am, I am cooking the breakfast for the ungrateful family!
At 6:15, the child is "tired" and won't get outta bed, so she doesn't get her hair done. (OK, I half a$$ed it, and she had to redo it.)
Then at 7:40, hubby and child run frantically out the door as I try to snap a photo of the 1st day of school. (I got the photo, 1min after she managed to spill her Dad's coke down the front of her shirt. Nice..)

No thanks for the food, I appreciate it, it was good or nothing. Just as they left, I smelt something that smelled like a cross between a corpse and a cat turd, it was my morning catbox present from Grumpy Gretchen. I don't know how she lays those dinosaur size turds in her box without dying, but she does EVERYMORNING! So, I had to scoop that monster out of the box before the smell killed all the houseplants (and me.)

So then I settle down to try to catch some shut eye til CVS opens, cause that's what SAHM's do, right? Ha! Phone starts ringing, its the church phonetree telling us to pray for some poor lady at church (younger than me, 4 kids, had an anuerysm.) So that tore me up, and I made a couple of phone calls about that.

By then it was 10 and time to do my 'missions' then come home and relax and watch soaps with a stiff martini..

1st CVS, tried to develop the photos I just took of the 1st day of school. You know the saying, "Photos in Seconds" HA!! Someone put an order of 200 photos on the machine RIGHT BEFORE I HIT SEND ON MY 2 PHOTOS... So the lady said it would be a 30min wait.That's cool, I have to get prescriptions anyway, so I walk over to the drug counter, and am told that one of my hubby's drugs was out of stock, er no wait it's suddenly in now, and we can fill it. So I wait while they fill it. Then the other lady comes over and said that the Insurance computer crashed and she can only give me half the presscription. (DANGIT!) So now I gotta come back later. But atleasy I got my crazy pills!

So I get to the car to discover that my water bottle is now heated up to 5 millions degrees from sitting in the car.. so I decide to wait to take the crazy pills until I have something to wash it down with.

Then on to Blockbuster.. Ok that was smooth, but I have a free movie that I can get, and since I am SAHM today, I have all the time in the world to watch a movie right? Ha!! I get there, take back the movins, the guys were nice, but it's monday, and THERE'S NOT ONE DECENT MOVIE IN THE ENTIRE STORE THAT I HAVEN"T ALREADY WATCHED!! So I get Miss Potter, 'the amazingly delightful romantic story of some old bird whose been dead 100 years, who wrote kid books about rabbits'. What ev! I grabbed it anyway.

Then over to SAM's (while calling my eye doctor to get my prescription). Got there, had to wait like 10 mins, then saw someone who I used to deal with 10 yrs ago when I went to the eye doctor, so I had to get all the dirt that's been going on with her these past 10 yrs. (She probably didn't remember me from Adam, but I remembered her, and so we gossiped, ok?) So since I was there, ofcourse, I had to check out the deals on clothes. ah, nothing special.

Then on the get the oil changed. You know those oil places that say, "we change your oil while you sit in your car! or 2 minute oil changes. Just say no! I sat in my car for 15 minutes in 1,000 degree heat while these VERY SWEATY OILY guys changed my oil. Not fun..

By this time, I was sure that I was going to die a slow death from not eating so I decided to go Stevie B's. Know what Stevie B's ain't no fun without the kids, and I can't eat carbs anyway! So I had a salad and like 100 slices of pizza tops, (no crust shall pass my lips!) The lady cleaning the table kept giving me dirty looks, and when I got up to get more pizza tops, she cleaned my table and took my glass away. She hates me cause I was being wasteful not eating the crust and she know that there's starving kids in India.. Wench.

So after I get some grub, I get the emissions done. OK, that was quick and easy. No complaining there. Except when I got out of the car, I suddenly felt the pizza hit my gut like a mexican dinner! Ah carumba!! I really need to 'drop some kids off at the pool' now!!

But I gotta wait til I get the freaking crickets and go back to CVS!!!

So I go to PetsMart, (you remember my last time there, Grumphy Gretchen, the cat from H*ll?) So I steered clear of all cute adoptable pets, and headed straight for the cricket case. They don't have no crickets til tomorrow!?!? What the heck are those stupid toads suppose to eat til then? So I go over the Pet Showcase, guess what? They're out of business! Great. so now we'll just have to cacth some out in the yard..wahoo....

Then back to CVS. Got the pictures and the pills, not probably.. But while there I suddenly remembered that I NEVER TOOK MY CRAZY PILL!!! HAAAA!! Now I will feel bad for the rest of the day, and I have to take them before lunch or I can't sleep at night. Who cares..It is now 3:30 and I still haven't 'dropped some kids of at the pool'. So I race home to do that.

Barely made it! Let's say I totally got the cat back for that stinker this morning, just to put it bluntly. As I am sitting there doing that, and checking the mail, I remember that I ALSO forgot to call the repairman about the stove, CRAP.. Oh well, how does sandwiches sound for dinner?

Afterwards, while I am sitting here typing this, the little one has the nerve to call me from school and ask me if I went to CVS, dropped off the drycleaning, did the emissions and got crickets!!! (I am sure her Dad put her up to this!) AND the old (moved out) child just called and wants to come home and cry on my shoulder about something.

I CAN"T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM GOING BACK TO WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!I swear if I could find the ladder, I would use it to climb to the roof and jump off the house!

SAHM's, HOW DO YOU DO IT?

4 comments:

The Muse said...

Mama, I (kinda) feel you, except I haven't been doing everyone else's bidding... just mine. And I'm getting BORED. I WANT A JOB AGAIN!!!!

(And no, I don't have your email address, so email me!)

FENICLE said...

I TOTALLY agree!!!!!!!! I work a full-time job with very flexible hours and schedule. And do some work from home. I work about 4 days a week and on that 5th day at home I go crazy with all the stuff there is to do & our 1 child (he's in pre-k half a day). I think going to work is LESS work :)

The Muse said...

darcey.ann@gmail.com
(and I hope you delete this comment as soon as you copy it down and email me!!)

JUST A MOM said...

OK here it is 12:26 ,, hubby is in bed on the other side of this wall. I am laughing so flipping hard I am waiting for him to come out and tell me to quiet down.... I love it,, Sad I have to bring in a couple little kidos to keep me awake... have a good weekend