Thursday, March 31, 2005

Terri Shiavo and The Pope

I gotta weigh in on this one. (Not that my opinions are worth a plug nickle!) One the one hand, we have a poor middle-aged bedridden person, who can't speak her mind on what she wants, and is being starved to death. On the other hand, we have a man who is older than dirt, and somewhat aware, being forcefeed by a feeding tube.


I wonder is anyone had a conversation with the Pope before he got the hook up? "Hey, you're looking a little thin, and we need you back at work...?"

Seriously though, since learning of both these news worthy stories, I've been flip flopping back and forth, with the "what would I do, if it were me " issue.

I have to ask the question, why is the Pope worthy of a feeding tube, but not Terri S? He's obviously suffering, she obviously isn't (or wasn't before they pulled the plug!) From the looks of things, they've both been practically vegetables for years. Sure, the Pope can hold his head up by himself, but did you ever notice, they HE can't even operate his own electric chair? Have you ever REALLY seen him move anything lately?

If it were my loved one, what would I do? Well, I guess I'd have to say that it would depend on where I fall in the family chain.

If the Pope was my Dad, or Granddad (all you Catholics would be terribly upset and shocked!) I think that I would try to get his opinion on what he wanted to do. (I seriously doubt that anyone has asked his opinion on this matter!) Then, I'd carry out his wishes. NOW, if I were his Mom, (no, not that Mom, the biological mom!) I'd stick that feeding tube in, and fill it up with steaks, and shakes til he fattened up like a little piglet, whether he wanted it or not!

Now about Terri Shiavo. If I were her husband, I'd ofcourse want to follow her wishes. BUT, if I were her mom, I'd once again, keep that tube in, feed her steaks,shakes and chocolate (cause everyone knows that we women LOVE our chocolates!) til she just about popped, not caring one little bit what she thought her wishes would have been, because everyone knows that Mother knows Best!

So that's the truth, I think that everyone's right. I think that the Pope is being tortured, by being forcefed, but who am I to say what's right for him. I think that Terri Schiave is being starved and tortured, but I am not her parent's or husband. I just wonder why her life is valued so differently than the Pope's. I think that when all is said and done, that she will have made just as a big an impact on so many people as the Pope has.

I think that it's stupid that she and her husband didn't not have a living will. But heck, I know completely what me husband's wishes are if he is ever in that condition, and WE don't have living wills drawn up! (Guess, we're stupid too.) I also know that if something happens to him, that his mom would do eveything in her power to keep him alive, while I would do everything in MY power to help him die, because he told me that was what he would want. Do you see that vicious circle here?....

And just so you all know, if something happens to me, I lied. I told the honey and kids that I'd want to be kept alive no matter what just to torture them forever. I also told the kids, that the meanest, most useless kid would be designated as my caretaker, so that he or she would have to spend the rest of his or her, and my life with me in a hospital bed, parked in front of the living room picutre window, hooked up to car batteries. Also that I expected my awful little child to keep me fed, dressed cute, and changed regular for pay back for all the awful things that he or she had put me though. Also that my presence would be a constant deterrent to my kid and keep them from having a social life, just like they have kept me from having a social life, due to all the times I have had to go down to the school because they were bad, and all the times that I missed out on fun stuff because I was having to hunt them down to do their homework/clean their room/take a bath/come in for dinnner.

Well like I said, I lied. If I am truly incapitated, kill me. If I am suffering, help me die. Don't let time be my enemy, make it quick. Please don't starve me, because you know I could never starve you. Just be a sweetie, make me a little pudding with enough drugs to stop the heart of an elephant, and I'll be sure to put in a good word for you in heaven..... when I get there.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Spring has sprung, and I can't breathe

Evidently the weather people are over the pollen. I remember years past when the nice weather people on Channel 2 (the best news channel ever.) would talk about pollen season like it was a tornado warning.

"The CDC reports that the pollen count today in at 2000. That's means that if you have allergies you must stay inside. You must not leave your house. If you leave your house or open your window, you will immediately be covered in pollen, and you will die........immediately. But (bright smile here) all the flowers and trees are in bloom and their just gorgeous so try and get out and enjoy this beautiful spring day if you can!"

I always enjoyed "Pollen Season" or Spring as I used to call it, until this year. This year, I just want to die. My sinus cavity feels like the dead sea. Whenever I talk to someone, I can feel the "sea" starting to leak out of my head. If I stand still and stick my fingers in my ears, I can hear the ocean. When I breathe in, (through my mouth ofcourse, the only thing on my head that will now take in oxygen, it feels like I am trying to breath big yellow sponge into my dead sea.

I wish I had invested in stock Pfizer, because I have made them all filthy rich by purchasing every Sudafed tablet every made in 2004 and 2005. CVS recently had a sale on Sudafed, I bought 'em out. Now sure, I could go to the Doctor, but what fun is that? He'd just load me down with medication that has all those, "This medication makes you drowsy." "Don't take this medication with alcohol." and all those other dire warnings that everyone ignores, then wishes that they didn't.

And anyway what would I complain about if I wasn't dying of pollenation?? When I was a kid, my mom told me that pollen makes your boobs grow (She said that about everything.) so I guess I'll just keep suffering and hope for the best!!

Friday, March 25, 2005

Hell just opened a new attraction....'s called "The Skating Rink". Yeah, so I went there when I was much much younger, but my o my pudding and pie, how times have changed!

My husband overheard our darlin' 15 yr old neice plotting via the phone to meet a boy at the skating ring. So my adoring honey felt obligated to email me with this info at work. So, being the tricky oldlady that I am, I immediately phoned home, (Yep,she was still on the phone with the little perpertrator) and informed her that I work for the phone company and we can monitor any conversation that we want from my office. (It's true, we probably could if we wanted to, but the goverment won't let us, and I didn't technically say that I was monitoring THAT particular I didn't lie) And I asked her what's all this stuff about "meeting up"at the skating ring......Total Dead Silence on her end, then ....."Uh, Uh, Uh, well...." and for some odd strange moment, I said those words that I will forever regret....

"Well, I guess since I can't trust you, I'll have to go to the skating ring with you tonight!" I swear, I must truly have tourettes syndrome!

So I hang up, leave work, and all I can think about all the way home is,"Why!?!?! Why!?!?!

I get home, and then ask the 8 yr old if she would also like to go. Well, duh!! Ofcourse she would! Then somehow, next thing I know, I am inviting along the neighbor's kid. (Which is OK because she has 3 younger brothers, so she is a naturaly babysitter, and keeps my kid entertained for the most part!)

So we all load up and go skating. Whee!! Well, I didn't actually skate, I was just there...Like a knot on a log...watching the paint dry.... like a deer in the headlights...

The minute we walk thru the door, everyone immediately scatters in opposite directions. Since, I only have 2 eyes, with 3 girls to watch, I was at a lose. So I take my big hiney over to the tables and set down. Just when I have my nose good and deep in a book, over comes the younger 2 with their skates... "Whah! We can't get our skates on!" So I unlace, shove feet into stinky skates and then relace for a full 10 minutes. I now know how that poor footman felt in the Cinderella story! (I repeated this exercise 3 more times with them this evening, unlace, shove, relace..)

Once, the skates are on, off they go!! Finally, back to my book. About this time, I see a gaggle of hoodlums of in the corner, and guess who's holding court with 'em? You guessed it! My big girl! Geez, about this time, she sees me looking real "crazy eyed" over at her, and skates over and announces that "It's hot in here!" and whips off her jacket to reveal a tight tight low necked spagetti strap shirt underneath. I tell her to pull up the front so her boobies don't fall out, and off she sails on her skates again. (I really must learn to check outfits before we leave the house!)

At about this time, over comes my 8 year old to whine. Man! Something about the skating rink brings out the worst in that dang kid! "Whah! I can't skate fast, Whah! I fell down, Whah! I'm thirsty, Whah! Whah! Whah! AND did I mention world class tattle tailing!?! Anyway, after about 5 minutes of her, I simply shouted, "Shush!! you!! Be gone!!!"

Back to my fricking book!! Have you ever tried to read a book in the skating rink? With strobe lights, disco balls, loud thumping music and 500 kids bumping into your fricking table even though the little wretches have an aisle as wide as a barn to pass through? I swear, I have no idea why darn kids have to touch everything!! Everytime they passed my table, they'd grab the chair or the fricking table. So I moved off into the corner, in fact I moved 3 times, with the same results at every table...

I finally gave up on the book, and started actually trying to figure out where my girls were. It's amazing how many hiding places there are at the skating rink! Even though it's one huge room! I walked around, lugging my big ole' granny purse, sticking out like a sore thumb, (If you were there, yes I was that old lady wearing the Jesus VBS shirt, toting the big black doctor's bag. When did I get so darn old?) and I'd run across them at the most random spots....setting at a video game (even though they didn't have any money, and there was a line of people waiting to get on the same game), standing in the corner with other people their age, all desperately trying to look cool, and ignore each other, while standing close enough to each other to look like their all friends with each other.

We were at the skating rink for a total of 3 hours tonight, and I think that each one of my girls spend a total of 10 minutes each skating, and it cost 33 bucks for me to get them in. I'd would have had a much better deal, if I'd ditched them all, and took that money to go get my nails done!! Don't you agree!

Well I guess that I'll go nighty night for now, while I dream of skating rinks that still do the Hokey Pokey, sell beer and don't allow kids...

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Some guys just don't get it....

Soooo, now that I have a new computer, (Thanks, Phone Company!) I am back!!

The other day, I saw a guy who reminded me of a guy I used to know. Now I ain't one to mention names, (David) but let me tell you about this smoooooth operator.

I remarried about 4 years ago, but before my marriage, I enjoyed the glorious life of a single girl. There was this guy that I had met at one of my many past jobs, who had kept in touch with me throughout the demise of my last marriage and my single years. He acted like such a nice guy. When I first met him, we worked at a LD company. He was in sales, I was in sales support. He was such a nice, professional, courteous gentleman. (Think - snake in the henhouse!) Whenever the girls had a little night out at the bars, he'd chaperone. When we'd had a little too much to drink, there he was offering to drive us home. Drink glass empty? Here's another drink from good ole' David.

He was a basically a nice looking guy, but totally not my type. So there was never any attraction on my part, nor did I feel that he might have had the hots for me! (He's about 6 inches shorter than me and dainty, I'd be afraid that I'd break him in half, if I jumped his bones.)

I used to feel sorry for him, because he was always moaning and groaning about how he had to sell something, because he was having to pay his ex-wife a ton a alimony, AND he was also paying a ton in child support to his child with this chickie.. He was so broke that he had to live at his parent's, and he could barely scrape by. Poor sweet guy!!

Well, he kept this game up for a couple of years. We both changed jobs, but still kept in touch. I was his shoulder to cry on, and I knew that if I ever needed a free taxi, he'd be there. Sweet as pie, he was..

So one night out of the blue, he calls me at my house. He says that he is dog/house setting for a friend nearby, and wouldn't it be great if he dropped by my place, and we'd shoot the breeze for a while. I was happy to hear from him, but my kids were at home, and I have a HUGE rule about mixing men and kids. But then I thought, this nice sweet guy, and he IS just a really good friend.

So idiot me, says "Sure you can drop by for a bit, but it is a school night and my boys are both at home, but sure you can come by and visit for a minute." Can you see the words SUCKER written across my forehead?

So he came over (way later than he was suppose to), at about the time that I was going to bed, so I could get up the next morning and go into the office. But, the kids were already in bed, Thank the Lord! So here he comes, toting a bottle of wine. (Nice!) He says that he'll just stay for a glass or two. "Cool" I think, he'll be gone in an hour or less!

Hahahaha, did I say that I was a sucker? Oh yeah, he drunk all the wine he brought, all the wine I had in the house, found some beer in his car, and he drunk that too. Heck, I wouldn't have been surprised to have seen him working on the toilet cleaner. So about 2 hours later, near midnight he annouces that he is drunk and that he's afraid to drive the half mile over to the house that he's staying at.

"Uh- I thought you were also dog sitting", I thought. So he asked me if he could stay the night and that he conveniently has his office suit out in his car, because he just picked it up from the drycleaners. (Oh, it gets better from here!) So reluctantly, very reluctantly, I say that he can stay in the guest room. He seems fine with that.

So he goes out to his car and bring in his suit and his ho-bag (that's a bag that you pack when you know ahead of time that you'll be staying at someone's house for sex - in case you didn't know!) I didn't realize that it was a ho-bag til later. I show him the guest room and the bathroom, and tell him goodnight, and to make himself at home. Then I drag my tired ass off to bed. I was so fricking tired. I took off my make-up, brushed my fangs, and slipped into my favorite ratty looking PJ's. (Far far from sexy!)

About the time, that I was drifting off, I hear a little knock, so I say, "Come in." and guess who standing there in his underpants?!?!? You gotta it! Good ole' David! Now the underpants were not normal, the were actually kind of cute, and could have passed for "wearing in public" shorts. And I noticed that his nipples were pierced (Ladies - This is the BIG warning factor that I missed.) He gets this mopey look on his face, and says that he just really feels like talking and that I am so easy to talk to, can he come in? So I tell him that it's late and I gotta get up early for work tomorrow. . . He starts looking teary eyed, and hangs his head like a little kid. So dummy me, sets up in bed, and he comes over and sits on the edge of the bed.

He starts out telling me how so many girls have done him wrong, the he progresses onto how one girl he knows, is totally in love with him, and hey by the way! he took her to a "couples" club and they made out with a married couple. Next, he talks about how he loves to go to these joints, but he just can't find a girl to go with him. I am so clueless and tired that I am missing these totally lame hints. Meanwhile he keeps asking me to use my bathroom (of the master bath.) Everytime he disappears in there, I start racking my brain trying to figure out how to get rid of his ass with out hurting his feelings.

So after a bit of him talking on and on about only God knows what, because I am half asleep and trying to steer the conversation out of the gutter. He grabs one of my fancy ruflfled, not for sleeping on, pillows and hugs it to his chest. Then he lays it in his lap. Meanwhile I am in shock because here he is, sitting on my damn bed after midnight, pissing and moaning about life, AND manhandling my good pillow!

Next thing I know, he's back to talking about the "couples club" and asking me if I had ever been to one. About this time, I notice my "good" pillow starting to bounce up and down in his lap. OK, now I've had it! (You can irritate me to death, drink all my wine, deprive me of my sleep, but keep your damn paws off my good pillows!) I asked, "What the hell are you doing?" He looks at me like I am outta of my mind for even asking and says, "Somethings, when I snort coke, I have to play with it to keep it hard." He was calm as could be. Then he offered to share his "wonderful" coke with me. Well I lost it then, I told him that he needed to get the hell out, and started herding him to the door. Grabbing his coke, suit and ho-bag, and shoving him, and them out the door and locking it.

Looking back on the incident, I know that I should have seen the warning signs, and that I am sometimes clueless when it comes to bad people. And I wonder why, if he wanted to sleep with me, he didn't just come right out and say it like normal guys do. (Hey, you're hot, let's screw! )

Lastly, he is living proof that people who don't live like God intends, will never know His blessings! That is why his life was so miserable. I hate to get up on the pulpit and I am FAR FAR from perfect, but I really feel the need to point this out in relation to this story.

Well guess you've all had about a belly full of me by now, so I am out! for now...

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Slacker Blog Chick strikes at last!!

So I started my new job. Love It!! But I still don't have a computer, so I am trying to use Hubby's piece of crappola that doesn't have a freakingspacebardammit!! Anyway, I wanted to share the terrible new with you all.

My ditzy neice wants me to take her for her learner's licenses. This is the poor child who falls UP the stairs atleast once a week. She has chipped about every dish in the house from"helping me" in the kitchen. If you live on the West side of Atlanta, be afraid, be VERY afraid.....

Friday, March 04, 2005

A posting...atlast!!

Where have you been little Chickie?? You are all asking. Well, let me tell you some JUICY JUICY news. Some of you dear people may remember about 2 months ago, I interviewed for a job in front of about 7 or 8 people wearing my push up bra. (Remember??Me neither..) Anyway, thought I'd made an ass of myself, but THEY HIRED ME!!! YIPPIE YA YI YO!! It's with the "Phone Company", hint hint wink wink.. I am so very happy, 10K a year more, and bye bye to my old boss "Head Thumper" So, I laid out of work on Tuesday (Which I never ever do!) with one of my "imaginary southern magnolia fainting spell migraines" and got the final word that day. So I dragged my happy ass in on Wednesday, typed up a resignation, and told the boss, "Love ya, behave, and buh bye".

He asked why I was leaving and like the yellow bellied coward that I am, I said, "Oh more money, better benefits, better hours, etc.." instead of saying,"Because my forehead seems to be the favorite target of your booger infected fingers, you pompous ass hole!!" I know that they all (management) knew something was up because the big boss (Who thinks I hung the moon!) called and wanted to know the "real reason" why I quit. I told him the same thing. I was just so grateful to get the crap outta there, and I don't think I should burn any bridges. Heck, I've already burn so many in my life, that you can see them all over the world on Satellite!!

So I start at the "Phone Company"on Monday, doing what I was made for!! I am one happy camper! Funny thing, Bad Hair Elvis(coworker), when he found out grabbed me and hugged me hard (yuck!) and said, "Get me outta here!" I was starting to think he was ok and amusing at the end. I guess hardship brings people closer.

So starting Monday, I will be sitting downtown in a shiny new building, happy as a clam. Whatever will I bitch about now???!!!

Sorry that after a week, that this posting is short and weak, but I am forced to use hubby's, groody computer with the broken space bar on the keyboard. It's just too damn painful to type a sentence, then having to back up and pound the spacebar like a sledgehammer to seperate my words.