Monday, November 14, 2005

2 Chicks and a side of B eef

OK, I just had lunch with these 2 gorgeous chicks!! And B, "the boyfriend."

The one on the left? She's Mine!! (Lucky me!) and the one on the right, she's like mine!!

So this was my opportunity to meet B, my daughter's boyfriend, and while it's still fresh in my mind.. I just gotta give you "THE MOTHER'S PERSPECTIVE".

Overall, I give B, 4 out a 5 lawn chairs!! I like him just fine, but he's dating my daughter therefore I must subtract a point for that!! haha.

See, my baby was born with a recessive gene. No tard's not that gene!! The one, that makes her smart beautiful and perfect. It's not her fault!! She was born that way... This makes her much too special for any man on earth...but I think B might be just about ok, in my book..

And in there lies another problem.... He's coming up on the dreaded 6 month mark!! And if you know my girl, then you know about the 6 month curse!!!!! Yes, I did mention it at lunch and I do apologize for that! (Funny, but in bad form..) See my child grows easily bored with the mere mortal man, because, well.. they're all so dull... So after a couple of months, the embers start to cool, she stays at the office later and later, more outings with the girls, less dates with the guy, excuses not to see you, because for the love of all things holy, YOU ARE FRAKING SMOTHERING ME LIKE A DAMN HASHBROWN AT THE WAFFLE HOUSE, and oh yea is it asking to much if I take a pee and you don't stand outside the door like a freaking puppy!?!?!

I mean, hell the poor girl can't help it. She's a goddess, and all men adore her!! But B is different... It's been almost 6 months, and we haven't heard




Not one complaint, nothing. AND he seems to have his head on straight. I mean usually by this time, my lovely daughter usually has her man whipped into submission, carrying her purse, well you get the idea. Not this one though....

He's got a little back bone in him, and he's kind of funny too! I like that!

So....what if? This goes on for 6 months?!?! And then they sign on for another 6 months?!?!? then another, and heck maybe they GET MARRIED!?!?! OH NO!

Then they have children!?!?!? NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!

DAHLINKS!!! I am too young for z grandkids!

But if you think about B... He's got good hair, but not too much hair like a Neaderthal. He's tall, but not too tall, like Andre the Giant, and he's not fat, and not too skinny, so their children won't be thin like little starving Ethiopians..

So, combine B's attributes with my child's dazzling good looks and brilliance... and my grandsons would turn out like this:

Only less gay, hopefully..

And the grand daughters might be alot like this:

Only not as homely... (Just kidding Condaleeza, don't bomb my house..)

But I'm getting ahead of myself. For heaven's sake, their only dating!!!

But just in case, I just ordered this t-shirt!!

Friday, November 11, 2005

Atlanta Mayoral Results are IN!!!!!

So even though I don't live in ATL, I work in ATL, and gurl I LOVE ME SOME SHIRLEY FRANKLIN!!! She's just been elected as Atlanta 1st FEMALE Mayor of the ATL, AGAIN!!!!

OK, here's her story. This sister never NEVER held an elected post before winning the mayor's race!! She was the master mind behind the scene of Atlanta guvment all these years. She probably sat her at little desk in the corner of the mayor's office. Quietly typing memo's, eating lunch at her desk, making coffee, making copies...Well, you get the picture!! In fact, while she was doing all that, she was probably also watching, and waiting, taking minutes at all those meetings, reading every memo, and copy that was flung so carelessly into her in-box....waiting and learning, watching and dreaming...

Then one day......

Her time came!! (No not that time that comes, every month, THE BIG TIME!!)

Ladies and Germs, I proudly present to you


Look closely at the above picutre. Tell me, what do you notice? There's something about our gurl Shirley, hmmm, that I've never seen on any other Mayor....

Hmm,,,, What is it? Let me think........OH!!!!!

THE FLOWER!!!!!!!!

Our very own Mayor has started the latest Fashion Trend in Atlanta, Again!

Here's a shot of her campaign photo as evidence!

In this picture, Shirley is saying,"I want to be your mayor!" and "Look into the flower!!!! Look into the flower!! You're getting very sleepy...You WILL vote for ME for mayor of Atlanta!!!"

Here's another pic of Atlanta's Pride and Joy!!

OK, bitches, how many Mayors do you know who are concerned enough about the environment to not only plant a tree, but to also manage to co-ordinate her chest flower and gloves to the plants in the park!!! Can your mayor do that?

Or about bout this??? Can your mayor dance?!?! Shirley Can!!

She ROCKS!!!

Now as you know, being Mayor of Atlanta is not all about fun and game, sometimes Shirely has not bring the hammer down....

I like to call this her "Watch chu talking about Willis!" look.

Then there's the

"Don't make me come down there and bitch slap your ass" look. Every now and then Shirley has to pull that look out of her bag of tricks to bring the water department back in line.

But Shirley is also a Patron of the workers!


Now, I don't know who this girl is with Shirley, but she's definitely had some work done!

Shirley also luvs the chilren!!

"OK, little girl..Don't stand in front of my flower, or I will fire your momma's ass." I don't care if she has worked for the city for 20 years, and needs this job to support her 5 children.. DON'T STAND IN FRONT OF MY FLOWER, DAMMIT!!!"

But life as Mayor of Atlanta isn't all about fun and games...

Like the time, Shirley had to fill in that pothole....

"Dammit, this is ruining my heels!!!'

Then there was the time that awful man stole her chest flower!

He was so slick about it, she didn't even realize that he took it til it was too late!!! She thought he was just trying to get him a little sumthing sumthing...

So that night she had to go to the ball...






But being the resourceful mayor that she is, Shirley manages to make the best of an awful situation. She just brought out that favorite fashion accesory every girl uses when in a pinch...


So after the horrible flower perpertrator was finally apprehended, Shirley decided to get some security on that flower. (Can you blame her?!)

hmmm. He's kinda cute in a Captain Kangaroo sort of way.. Might need me some security..

And here's a picture of our Mayor with her undercover security entourage. Uh no honey, not the guy on her right, he's her floral designer!

So as you see our Mayor is a fashion icon. I am just so thankful that it's the flower that she brought back, and not

LEG WARMERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Shirley, Gurl I love you something awful, I wouldn't change anything about you!

except maybe that hair.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Nancy Lou Isa

Yep, that's my great grandmother's name.. My grandmother, on my dad's side, is getting up in her years. So, I recently visited her and spent the night over at her house. Just like I did when I was a little girl. She LOVES TO TALK!! But hey, when you're 85 and done alot, seen alot, you got things to say, dammit!

So anyway, realizing that I know nothing about her family, my granddad's family and how they meet, I asked her to tell me all about it..

Really interesting!! She was telling me about her mom, she kept saying "Mom this" and "Mom that", and my dad always called her Granny Bird, so I didn't even know her 1st name!! So I asked Grandmom. She said,"Well her name was Nancy Lou Isa."

I said, "Wow, she basically had 2 middle names!! Grandmom got a confused look on her face, then smiled and said, "I guess where you're from, you'd call her Nancy Louisa!"

Ahh... spreak engrish lady!

She also has funny sayings. I heard her on the phone talking to her neighbor and she was talking about someone she hadn't seen in years. She said, "Well I wouldn't know him from Adam's tomcat"!!! (Adam - like Adam and Eve, get it? haha)

In case you're wondering, my grandparents were married for about 60 years. My granddad, Abe is dead now. But he was the greatest, best looking, smartest man I ever knew! He never said it, but he always made me feel like I was his favorite grandchild. He also made all his other 19 grands kids feel the same way, I am sure!

My grandmother, whose maiden name was Bird, told me this story about how they started dating. She said that her, and alot of her neighbors, used to walk to church. It seems that the they had church ALL THE TIME!! But I remember when I was a kid, living near where she lives now, people would set up tents in their yards, invite Pastors from out of town to visit, and hold Tent Revivals, like ALL THE TIME!! So I suppose that she also went to alot of revivals.

So anyway, Grandmom and some of her friends were walking to church along with Pap (Granddad!) and Pap says, "Hey, what's your favorite kind of bird?" Some people said, "Oh, I just love Cardinals!" Someone said, "Blue Birds" and other such things. My Pap just said, "Well my favorite kind of bird is Catherine Bird!!" (Grandmom's cheeks turned red, just talking about it 60 somthing years later..)

So anyway, they dated (aka walked to church) for a while then my Pap left for a job in another state. She said that he told her that he was going to marry her, and would gett frustrated that she would never commit. (Hey she was only 16! He was an older man of 21 or 22.) So he left the state to go work in the coal mines. Finally, his absence made her heart grow fonder, and she eventually married him when he came back to town for one last attempt to win her over..

They lived quite happily ever after....

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Something old, something new...

Ok I have no idea how to link to other blogs.. or even if I should get permission. but you have to check this chickie out. She is at and she is hilarious and brutally honest!!

Reading her blog takes me back to when I was a kid, growing up in good old Hick Town, North Ga. In Hick Town, is so darn hick that I still can't mention the name of it, or everyone still stuck in that God forsaken place would know me immediately and come after me with shotguns for writing about them.

I was that kid back then, whose parents were divorced. Therefore I was the social outcast of the school. I wasn't good enough for the "good kids who went to church with BOTH their parents every Sunday" and my mom wouldn't allow me to hang with the "wild kids", who were raised by wolves and ate with their mouths open at the dinner table. So I didn't have alot of friends.

I lived outside the city limits and my mom insisted that I go to the city school, which is where she attended and anyway evryone knows that city folk are refined. When I was at school I was basically either ignored or tormented by all the other kids who had special clicks formed because they all either lived near each other or attended church together.

We didn't go to church.... Or atleast, sometimes, I would hop on whatever church bus ran by my house, on a mission to save my soul. And ofcourse, everyone knows that kids who ride the church bus to church must really have sinful parents, or are the spawns of Satan and that's why their parents don't go to church....

Anyway, where am I going with this crazy story anyway. I see that I started it in MAY!!! Crap! Let's just run with it... Oh yea, it's a sotry of me never feeling good enough. But don't all kids have those feeling growing up? My little daughter, who is probably the most self assured child in the world, recently came to me crying about how she had no friends in the hood anymore...WAH!!! All this, while little boys are knocking on the door wanting her to come out and play ball.

I guess it all came to together a couple of years ago for me, when I went home to do some shopping at the outlet mall in town, and saw the homecoming bitch (er I mean Queen!) working in the shoe store, down on her knees putting shoes on some fat lady. She looked at me, and you could tell she just wanted to die...

So what goes around, comes around. Atleast I ain't working in a damn shoe store....yet!