Friday, January 28, 2005

Frankly Scarlett, I don't give a....

Yep, I bet you never hear that one, right. Yes, dear Scarlett I am near Acworth. (I Love Acworth.) right down 92 as a matter of fact, to the west. 'Bout 12 miles away. By the way, Cokes are called Dope by old people in Boaz, AL. Thanks for the comments, I loved them! It's really encouraging to know that someone is reading my rants.

So I let the amazing "free money" with CVS deals expire. Oh the Tragedy!! I even dragged my ass back there last Thursday and aimlessly wandered the aisles again, looking for the pot of gold to spend the "free" money on. Speaking of the "Pot of Gold", candy that is. It was almost $9 at CVS. It's only like $6 at WalMart. So even though I despise WalMart's Pharmacy and think it's run by demons from a verrryyy slow hell, I will continue to shop at good old WallyWorld for every thing except for the Pills, they'll come from CVS, where I will continue to get that free money that I can't figure out how to spend.

Oh, so I had ANOTHER job interview. I blew it, I got all purty and went in there expecting to see some guy that I could shake my boobs at. (Nah, not really.) but I did expect it to be only one person. I was met out in the lobby by this really sweet lady and she sat me down in the lounge with a couple of other suckers (potential job candidates) and we had to fill out this questionnaire that said, "How much do you want to make", and had one customer problem that we had to solve.

Sweet lady kept telling me to take my time and if I didn't finish answering the customer problem that I could do it after the interview, so I start writing out a looooonnnggg story about how to resolve this customer problem. Then I was taken back to the back room for the interview. There I was, on the way back, I was sucking up my gut and pushing up those ole' boob, just a getting ready. (The fact that the lady kept referring to He, and Eric, gave me the hint..)

Sweet Lady opens the door and DANGIT!!! There sat 8 PEOPLE!!!! 8 PEOPLE I TELL YOU!! around a u shaped table with a desk and chair in the middle of the room. I bout fell over dead right then and there!

I had just spent and hour and a half reading this stupid document from the internet entitled, "12 Interview questions that you should always know how to answer." If you get that thing off the internet, DON'T READ IT, Throw it away IMMEDIATELY.

I feel like I made good eye contact and that I had good experience for the job, but heck I wasn't expecting all those people!! I think that I blew the interview. I answered most of the questions ok, but I #1 didn't ask for the job like I should have. and #2 had canned answers for all the questions that they were asking. (They evidently also had a copy of that stupid document because guess what questions they asked me.)

I am such an idiot, and IT WAS MY DREAM JOB... Oh well, they are suppose to make a decision today or next week. So I will keep praying.

Since I am in the writing mood, I want to tell you that I just lost, about 20lbs this past 3 weeks. Nope I am not on Extreme Makeover or the Swan show. I went to the Doctor about another condition that I have and he prescribe something (not that I am a big pillhead or anything) to help that. The great side effect is weight loss, and the BAD side effect it that I have a dry mouth and I can't sleep worth a hoot. I like to go to sleep at night and sleep like a total zombie, now I dream these crazy dreams and feel like I wake up every 15 minutes all night, but it is getting a little better and I must be sleeping because I am not sleepy the next day...Maybe my dreams are just scaring me.

My wonderful excellent husband is taking me out tonight. I LOVE HIM SO!!! He wanted to take me to see Mrs. Robinson at the Fox, but I really didn't want to, that whole, messing around on your husband with your daughter's boyfriend scenario just really pisses me off. So, we are going to see a move and go out to eat in Douglasville. I think that just a night out when we aren't screaming at kids, dodging dogs, and trying to study/do housework/cook dinner/pay bills will be such a good time. I am so lucky to have such a great husband. I know that so many people are unhappy in their marriage, but like our preacher says, "Instead of studying all the things wrong about your spouse why don't you concentrate on all the things right about 'em." Our preacher is a really smart guy to be from Arkansas.

Later folks.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Free?? Money from CVS!

Boy am I excited! I went to CVS and used my little savings card when I purchased my prescriptions. I got COUPONS!!! for 9 bucks back!!! But ofcourse as in everything in life, there are rules...
Must redeem before January 29th.
$3 must be spent toward the purchase of CVS products.
$3 must be spent on Candy.

That leaves $3 bucks to spend ANYWAY I want~!!! WAHOO!!

I was so darn excited when the coupons printed out the I walked up and down the aisles for 20 minutes trying to decide how to spend my money. Should I get the big bottle of CVS aspirin and 2 pounds of jawbreakers, or go for the CVS toilet paper and a pound of chocolate??

Oh decisions, decisions!?!?

If you have any idea on how I can spend the coups, I'd like to hear them!

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Cox Suckers!!!!

So yesterday I went to the above mentioned giant conglomerate for an interview. My sharp little young pup headhunter met me out there to introduce me to my potential boss. So me and the Headhunter go in to get an access badge.

Security Officer: Sign here please.
Security Officer: I need to see some form of picture ID please.
Security Officer: Who are you here to see?
Security Officer: What year is your car?
Security Officer" What is the Make and Model of your car?

Why does he need to know this? Is he going out to pee on my tires while I am in the interview, or maybe he's going to steal my AC/DC CD that even I can't get out of the CD Player? Heck I dunno.

So anyway, back to the Cox Sucker story. The security gets all our info and gives us a badge. The SO (Security Officer) then calls the guy that we are suppose to see. The SO gets voicemail and leaves a msg. We wait about 5 minutes and SO calls again. Again, he gets the voicemail, and hangs up. So my HH (headhunter) calls the guys number on his cell phone (Why? I don't know, maybe he thought SO was faking the voicemail thing.) Then my HH calls the HR chick who set up the interview, bingo voicemail again!

Then my HH starts stopping random people who are leaving for lunch. He is asking them if they know Mr. NoShow, while I silently edge away from HH and pretend like I am not with him. Finally the 3rd person that he asks says, "Sure I know him, let me find you someone from his dept." So the guy flags down some poor girl who takes us up to Mr. NoShow's important cubicle by the window. This girl then finds someone who knows Mr. NoShow's cell phone number.

So this new guy calls the butthead on his cellphone. Does this guy answer the cellphone? (The cellphone that Cox is paying for him to have so that he can be available at all times.) HELL NO!! So then the guy radioes the cellphone (Nextel - We love you!) Mr. NoShow answers immediately and says that he is walking into the building. The guy says "Good, you have someone here to see you."

So me and HH go back to the important cubicle by the window and wait. Mr. NoShow walks in with wet slicked down hair and bleary eyed. (It's so obvious the his sorry ass just tumbled out of bed and showered.) It's 11:30 by now, and 30 minutes after our agreed meeting time.

We introduce ourselves, "Hey, how ya doing?" Mr. NoShow says, "You really got me on the spot here, can I speak to you for a moment Mr. Head Hunter?" So they walk away from me about 10 feet and start whispering like 4th grade catholic school girls. A minute later HH comes over, looking like he just swallowed his tie and says, "I am so so sorry, Mr. NoShow just told me that the position was eliminated due to downsizing 2 days ago and that he told this all to the HR chick. She was suppose to call us and tell us that Mr. No Show would not be interviewing you today."

I sweetly bit my tongue and told HH, "Aw don't worry about it, it's not your fault, just some simple miscommunication, no big deal." Me and HH chit chatted for a bit and walked out together while he apologized the whole time. But.....I was so PISSED. I wanted to rip that wet head off Mr. NoShow and shove it up his gay arse!

Although I STILL desperately want to work for Cox, I am beginning to think that you either have to be kin to someone or be sleeping with someone to get a damn job there!!! I don't know which. I have a GREAT resume', everyone tells me so. I have submitted the resume to Cox's website hundreds (I am not lying ATLEAST 300) of times, for positions that I an either qualified for or over qualified for. THEY NEVER RESPOND!! This particular job that I NEARLY interviewed for had been posted for 7 weeks, 7 FREAKING WEEKS!!! I was contacted by 8 headhunter agencies, ALL of them saying that my resume fit this position PERFECTLY!! And they ALL wanted to submit me for the opening.

So I ask you Cox, what the hell am I doing wrong? I am a great fit for your company, and except for the occasional hissy fit, a stable dependable hardworking employee. Come on you chickens!! Call me!! Interview me!!! I double dog dare you!!!

If I have not been so pissed the other day after driving 60 miles round trip during my lunch hour for a non-interview, I would have went out to Mr. NoShow's car and peed on HIS TIRES!!

Ok, I'm done now, the hissy fit is over, back to sending out my resume to people who put out job ads on the interent even though they don't really need to hire anyone.

Have a Great Day!

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Southern Dictionary

I am so tired of constantly being corrected on how I speak AND the only people who correct me are...People from up North!!

Folks, if you're gonna live down here in the South, LEARN OUR LANGUAGE!!!!

So for all you misplaced souls here in the south, let me provide you with some phrases and definitions.

I reckon - "I assume"
I swannie - "I can't believe it"
I'm fixin to - "I will get to that task very shortly."
warsher - "Washing Machine"
peench (Long E sound) - "Pinch"
mater - "Tomato"
tater - "Potato"
peecan (Long E sound) "pecan" - the only nut we use for baking.
dinner "Lunch"
supper "Dinner"
farplace - "fireplace"
ain't or taint - "is not" OR "are not"
keyarnine "anything that smells moldey or rotten"
loomnum fol "Aluminum Foil"
cancer stick "cigarette"
wacky backy "marijuana"
chaw "chewing tobacco"
dope "soda"
nekked "naked"
pee bug - "Male Genitals"
tutu - "Female Genitals"
knocked up - "pregnant"
Mondee, Tuesdee Wednesdee etc.. - "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday"
Ya'll "You all"
episode "any illness that you don't want to elaborate on, like the runs or menstrual cramps"
peel "medication prescribed by a doctor or the outter skin of fruits and veggies.
air,our and hour all all pronouned the same. (pronouned as Eer)

So there you are. They're not in any particular order, but just random things that I have to explain to my favorite little Yankee husband on a daily basis. I love it when he gives me hell for the way I speak, I just smile and say, "Where do you live again"?

Monday, January 10, 2005

The Winds They Are A Changing...

So what the hey is going on here? Bad Hair Elvis has not picked up the phone all day!?!? He seems to "NOT BE IN THE SELLING MOOD!!" Has he finally seen the light and realized that there ain't no way in heck that we can ever convince even a comatose patient to buy our products?

I am very concerned, if Elvis is not running to the boss's office every 5 minutes to get his "pat on the head" then the boss may soon take an interest in what I am (or am not) doing.

Speak of the devil here comes the boss. Gotta run!! Damn!

Friday, January 07, 2005

OK, so I am going STRAIGHT TO HELL for this..

There's a new chick in our office who is intellectually stunted, BIG TIME. She is in her mid 20's but acts like she just crawled out from under a rock----yesterday!!

Ofcourse the stupid boss thinks she hung the moon. Her first order of business when she started was to completely organize and clean the damn kitchen because if it's messy, "it reflects poorly on me". SHE'S THE RECEPTIONIST for crying out loud!!! I found out REAL quick to avoid any conversations with her at all cost. Because she just rattles on, and on... She talks about her husband, her kid, her overweight family. AAAAAHHHHH it never ends.

She also loves to tell you how she's down with the brothers, but keeps mentioning thoese interesting tid bits over and over, so you know that black people really terrify her to no end.. (Um, I have a lot of black friends, There's alot of black people in my neigborhood, in my child's school, at my last job, etc..) Whatever freak!!

Even Bad hair Elvis is bitching about her. He just proved to me that being a good listener is SO MUCH better than being a big talker. He was just now over here bitching about her music tastes (Country Music turned up REAL LOUD) and her views on Jane Fonda (the antichrist), when she walks by and saysmumbles some random comment. I just know that she heard him. So what does he do? He tucks his flaccid little peepee between his legs and runs over to her desk and starts making chit chat to make sure her feelings aren't hurt. (or to see how much she heard, whatever)

Evidently she's so dense that she didn't comprehend what she overheard. I, meanwhile sat here quietly smiling, watching the whole thing.

I got a bit of a backache. I must have pulled something trying to open the 1,ooo lb front door to the building, so another co-worker gave me a Percocet earlier. The one brightspot in this dreary office. Whohoo I am flying now!!

I need to make up names for these crazy people in my office. From the day forward they will be know as the following:

Bad Hair Elvis - The snake new co-worker who thinks he's a selling god, but hasn't sold anything. He looks like a Las Vegas Elvis reject that you'd find in a smoky bar crusing for lonely chicks at 2am in the morning

One Up - The "faggy acting but married to a lady" boss who worships Elvis and loves all the B.S. that Elvis feeds him about imaginary sales he's about to make. One Up has done everything that you have done AND did it first AND better. His belly has been steadily expanding since I started, I am sure that he's probably pregnant.

Junky - My new source for prescription drugs. She's also in sales. Can't sell shit, (Kinda like me) because our products are shit. She is also actively seeking employment elsewhere, but is way better a acting like she gives a damn than I am.

Penelope Pittstop - Our clueless receptionist who is going to change the world starting with the organization of our employee kitchen. She's down with the "brothers", as long as they don't come near her, or talk to her, or look at her. She loves (JUST LOVES) that honky tonk, and plays it on her radio at the front desk so that on the rare occasion that some slob visits our office, they'll know that we are By God, USA loving, Bush Backing, Hellfire and Brimstone Baptists!!

Anyway - back to "work" before my Percocet wears off and my backs makes me cry again.. I am a Big Ole' Baby.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

The Job Hunt...going sssslllloooowwwwlllyyy

So the new year is here already. Where are all my prospective employers?? Dead, asleep, still on holiday!?! What is up?

I was interviewing around T-day in November and the next thing I knew the dreaded "holidays" hit. You know that time, it's when everyone is suddenly to busy to come to work, post their open positions on the web, meet and interview people, hire people. Busy Busy Busy People.

So I didn't complain or cry (like I wanted to..) Nope, I just nicely agreed with you all, that yep, things ARE slow during the holidays and it WILL pick up. So here we are folks! 2 working days into the new year, and where are you at people?

Look at my resume, call me, I am the best darn most diligent worker that you'll ever have at your firm. Get on the stick already, before some one snatches me away for the perfect job...

Meanwhile here in hell (my present position) - it's still the same. We are all forced to worship at the temple of the new guy (Elvis hair,earrings) while our customers run away from us, and prospects don't return our calls. Why did I ever agree to take a job in SALES!?!?! What was I smoking?

So if you know of anyone in or around Atlanta that's hiring. Let me know. I am getting desperate.

I know that I am suppose to be grateful for what I got, but trying to sell this crap is like trying to sell Bibles to hookers..

Peaceout People (Always wanted use that one!)

Monday, January 03, 2005

1 Week, 3 parties, house full of relatives, and I'm still standing!

Thank you Lord for giving me the strength, patience and resourcefulness to endure this past week. Thank you also for my wonderful husband, who knows just what I like. Thank you for my children, the ones who showed, the ones who didn't show and the ones who showed but just stayed for a minute or too. I love them all and I am blessed to be their mother.

Thank you Lord for all these things. If 2005 is anything like 2004, bring it on, because I will continue to put all my hopes and trust in you, because I know that you continue will lead me down the right path.

Lastly Lord, thank you for loving me in spite of all my selfishness, and shortcomings.