I heart the Palin's!!

I have had a little trouble since I've found out that I can't wear contacts fulltime, and have had to resort to wearing sensible glasses. My heart has been broken ever since. (As if every time I look in the mirror and see a middle aged woman staring back at me instead of the hot MILF that I used to be with the contacts in).

So imagine my overwhelming joy when McCain announced the he has chosen Sarah Palin, governor of Alaska, former Beauty Queen, Mother of 5, Total Hot Babe and WEARS SENSIBLE GLASSES, as his choice of Vice President of the United States of America!!! (Cue up the marching bands here, and release the tickertape and patriotic balloons.)

Check out that HOTNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you Sarah for fullfilling my husband's 'Hot Librarian" fantasies and making me see it's sexy to wear glasses too (and be in charge!)

But sexy isn't the only thing that Palin's got going for her. Oh no! She multi-talented! In addition to being governor, and raising unruly children, she's also managed to snag a totally rocking hot guy. (Who totally doesn't mind being married to the most powerful guy (er girl) in the entire state of Alaska!

Folks, I give you Mr. Palin!!

OK, that's not really him, but it sure looks ALOT like him!

Total Yumness!! and very absorbent too!!

Although future VP Palin got her start on the beauty pagent circuit (Who knew all those bullcheese speeches about world peace and love would ever be realized!) she really proved that she's the right man (er I mean girl) for the job!

(In this picture she's saying, "I love you all, now pay your damn taxes!)

It's so good to know that in times of like these (aka severe ecomonomic depression, high inflation, and rising unemployment) we can rely onVP Palin to do her part to boost the economy!

She can:

Kill her own meat WHILE entertaining the kids!!

(Hey Guys, it's called MULTI-TASKING!! Ya'll should try it!!

Fish for healthy meal ideals!! While ridding the ocean of ugly fish who might scare off the whales and baby seals!!

And distract the enemy... (then shoot 'em right between the eyes!!)

OK, I am praying this ones a photoshop, it's just too wrong to wear a bathing suit like that when you're in the Oval Office. (Or should we call it the Ovary Office!)

Here's Hilary's reaction when she heard the Sarah Palin was going to be the vice President AND had a hot body!!

(She's saying, "This is YOUR fault Obama!!")

So, in conclusion, I just like you all to know my opinion of the New Vice President (in waiting) of the Unites States of America!!!

Atlanta Mayoral Results are IN!!!!!

So even though I don't live in ATL, I work in ATL, and gurl I LOVE ME SOME SHIRLEY FRANKLIN!!! She's just been elected as Atlanta 1st FEMALE Mayor of the ATL, AGAIN!!!!

OK, here's her story. This sister never NEVER held an elected post before winning the mayor's race!! She was the master mind behind the scene of Atlanta guvment all these years. She probably sat her at little desk in the corner of the mayor's office. Quietly typing memo's, eating lunch at her desk, making coffee, making copies...Well, you get the picture!! In fact, while she was doing all that, she was probably also watching, and waiting, taking minutes at all those meetings, reading every memo, and copy that was flung so carelessly into her in-box....waiting and learning, watching and dreaming...

Then one day......

Her time came!! (No not that time that comes, every month, THE BIG TIME!!)

Ladies and Germs, I proudly present to you

ATLANTA's FIRST FEMALE MAYOR!!

Look closely at the above picutre. Tell me, what do you notice? There's something about our gurl Shirley, hmmm, that I've never seen on any other Mayor....

Hmm,,,, What is it? Let me think........OH!!!!!

THE FLOWER!!!!!!!!

Our very own Mayor has started the latest Fashion Trend in Atlanta, Again!

Here's a shot of her campaign photo as evidence!

In this picture, Shirley is saying,"I want to be your mayor!" and "Look into the flower!!!! Look into the flower!! You're getting very sleepy...You WILL vote for ME for mayor of Atlanta!!!"

Here's another pic of Atlanta's Pride and Joy!!

OK, bitches, how many Mayors do you know who are concerned enough about the environment to not only plant a tree, but to also manage to co-ordinate her chest flower and gloves to the plants in the park!!! Can your mayor do that?

Or about bout this??? Can your mayor dance?!?! Shirley Can!!

She ROCKS!!!

Now as you know, being Mayor of Atlanta is not all about fun and game, sometimes Shirely has not bring the hammer down....

I like to call this her "Watch chu talking about Willis!" look.

Then there's the

"Don't make me come down there and bitch slap your ass" look. Every now and then Shirley has to pull that look out of her bag of tricks to bring the water department back in line.

But Shirley is also a Patron of the workers!

Like...

Now, I don't know who this girl is with Shirley, but she's definitely had some work done!

Shirley also luvs the chilren!!

"OK, little girl..Don't stand in front of my flower, or I will fire your momma's ass." I don't care if she has worked for the city for 20 years, and needs this job to support her 5 children.. DON'T STAND IN FRONT OF MY FLOWER, DAMMIT!!!"

But life as Mayor of Atlanta isn't all about fun and games...

Like the time, Shirley had to fill in that pothole....

"Dammit, this is ruining my heels!!!'

Then there was the time that awful man stole her chest flower!

He was so slick about it, she didn't even realize that he took it til it was too late!!! She thought he was just trying to get him a little sumthing sumthing...

So that night she had to go to the ball...

WITH OUT

HER

PRECIOUS

FLOWER!

OH MY!!

But being the resourceful mayor that she is, Shirley manages to make the best of an awful situation. She just brought out that favorite fashion accesory every girl uses when in a pinch...

THE MAYORAL BOOB!

So after the horrible flower perpertrator was finally apprehended, Shirley decided to get some security on that flower. (Can you blame her?!)

hmmm. He's kinda cute in a Captain Kangaroo sort of way.. Might need me some security..

And here's a picture of our Mayor with her undercover security entourage. Uh no honey, not the guy on her right, he's her floral designer!

So as you see our Mayor is a fashion icon. I am just so thankful that it's the flower that she brought back, and not

LEG WARMERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

***

Shirley, Gurl I love you something awful, I wouldn't change anything about you!

except maybe that hair.

Terri Shiavo and The Pope

I gotta weigh in on this one. (Not that my opinions are worth a plug nickle!) One the one hand, we have a poor middle-aged bedridden person, who can't speak her mind on what she wants, and is being starved to death. On the other hand, we have a man who is older than dirt, and somewhat aware, being forcefeed by a feeding tube.

WHAT IS UP WITH THAT??!!

I wonder is anyone had a conversation with the Pope before he got the hook up? "Hey, you're looking a little thin, and we need you back at work...?"


Seriously though, since learning of both these news worthy stories, I've been flip flopping back and forth, with the "what would I do, if it were me " issue.

I have to ask the question, why is the Pope worthy of a feeding tube, but not Terri S? He's obviously suffering, she obviously isn't (or wasn't before they pulled the plug!) From the looks of things, they've both been practically vegetables for years. Sure, the Pope can hold his head up by himself, but did you ever notice, they HE can't even operate his own electric chair? Have you ever REALLY seen him move anything lately?

If it were my loved one, what would I do? Well, I guess I'd have to say that it would depend on where I fall in the family chain.

If the Pope was my Dad, or Granddad (all you Catholics would be terribly upset and shocked!) I think that I would try to get his opinion on what he wanted to do. (I seriously doubt that anyone has asked his opinion on this matter!) Then, I'd carry out his wishes. NOW, if I were his Mom, (no, not that Mom, the biological mom!) I'd stick that feeding tube in, and fill it up with steaks, and shakes til he fattened up like a little piglet, whether he wanted it or not!

Now about Terri Shiavo. If I were her husband, I'd ofcourse want to follow her wishes. BUT, if I were her mom, I'd once again, keep that tube in, feed her steaks,shakes and chocolate (cause everyone knows that we women LOVE our chocolates!) til she just about popped, not caring one little bit what she thought her wishes would have been, because everyone knows that Mother knows Best!

So that's the truth, I think that everyone's right. I think that the Pope is being tortured, by being forcefed, but who am I to say what's right for him. I think that Terri Schiave is being starved and tortured, but I am not her parent's or husband. I just wonder why her life is valued so differently than the Pope's. I think that when all is said and done, that she will have made just as a big an impact on so many people as the Pope has.

I think that it's stupid that she and her husband didn't not have a living will. But heck, I know completely what me husband's wishes are if he is ever in that condition, and WE don't have living wills drawn up! (Guess, we're stupid too.) I also know that if something happens to him, that his mom would do eveything in her power to keep him alive, while I would do everything in MY power to help him die, because he told me that was what he would want. Do you see that vicious circle here?....

And just so you all know, if something happens to me, I lied. I told the honey and kids that I'd want to be kept alive no matter what just to torture them forever. I also told the kids, that the meanest, most useless kid would be designated as my caretaker, so that he or she would have to spend the rest of his or her, and my life with me in a hospital bed, parked in front of the living room picutre window, hooked up to car batteries. Also that I expected my awful little child to keep me fed, dressed cute, and changed regular for pay back for all the awful things that he or she had put me though. Also that my presence would be a constant deterrent to my kid and keep them from having a social life, just like they have kept me from having a social life, due to all the times I have had to go down to the school because they were bad, and all the times that I missed out on fun stuff because I was having to hunt them down to do their homework/clean their room/take a bath/come in for dinnner.

Well like I said, I lied. If I am truly incapitated, kill me. If I am suffering, help me die. Don't let time be my enemy, make it quick. Please don't starve me, because you know I could never starve you. Just be a sweetie, make me a little pudding with enough drugs to stop the heart of an elephant, and I'll be sure to put in a good word for you in heaven..... when I get there.

Pope a licious!!

Is it just me, or have you also noticed that the Pope never takes a vacation.!Now I am not a Cath-o-lick or anything, but I do go to church. My Pastor is from Arkansas, and once a year we pack him and the family up and send them home for a little R & R. Our Pastor is also into fishing and scuba diving (not very preacherly! but he is) so we also like to send him to the water once a year to do a little fishing and diving. Then the Pastor comes back after a week, refreshed and loaded down with pictures of all the fun he and the wife had during their little vacation. We (the church) loves when the pastor comes back from vacation, cause he's all smiles, and he has about a million great stories to tell in church. Not just any story mind you, as our Pastor is a master "yarn weaver". We love his stories because he manages to weave the Word into every day life for us, and we see how to apply Faith into our everyday lives.

But have you ever noticed..... that the Pope NEVER takes a vacation?!? Have you ever seen a picture of the Pope in swim trunks, setting on the beach, holding a Daiquiri? Nope. Bet not. Have you ever seen the Pope fishing? Scuba Diving? Riding a horse, wearing chaps? Nope!! See Cath-o-lick People, that's why your Pope is sick. That's why your Pope has been bitching about your lack of faith for the last 30 years! That's why he always looks like he just sucked on a lemon. That's why he's in the hospital AGAIN! Because you guys NEVER EVER give him a vacation.

Here's a suggestion, book him in a Sandal's Resort on some island IMMEDIATELY. Or better yet, get him on the next Disney Cruise leaving Cape Canaveral!! Or, how about a week at a Dude ranch! (Ofcourse, you'll have to get him outta that dress and into some Levis.)

I feel really bad for the poor Pope, he's older than dirt, and he's still working!! What is he, like in his 80's?!? For heavens sakes, leave the poor man alone, and let him retire! I think that being a Pope is alot like joining a Gang. You get jumped in, and if you survive, then you're in the 'Pope gang' until you die. That kinda sucks. Take the Pope before this one for instance. He got jumped in and died like a month later. I can just imagine all those Cardinals with the last Pope laying on the floor, while they kicked the crap outta of the poor guy screaming, "You talking to me? I know you ain't talking to me?!?!" That's what really happened to the Pope before this one.

And anyway, don't you think that the the name John Paul is just about wore out! I say it's time for a Pope Steve, or a Pope Ryan, or how about a Pope Justin!?! How are we suppose to keep up with them all, if they all have the same first and last names? Hey, that's probably why the poor guy can't take a vacation. Can you imagine trying to book the Pope into a hotel?

"Hello and thank you for calling Holiday Inn, how can I help you?"

"Yes, I am calling from the Vatican and I'd like to make a reservation."

"OK, sir what name would you like to book that under."

"Last name John Paul, first name Pope."

"Don't you mean first name John Paul and last name Pope."

"No, last name John Paul, first name Pope."

"Ok, sir let me see if I have this correct. First name is John Paul and the last name is Pope?"

"No! Last name John Paul, first name Pope!"

"Ok sir, first name is John Paul and the last name is Pope?"

"No dammit!!! THE FRICKING LAST NAME IS JOHN PAUL AND THE FIRST NAME IS POPE. Aw hell!! Just forget it, I'm calling the Days Inn!!!

So anyway, at the very least, let your Pope take a little break!! I mean, what's the worst that could happen if he takes a week off?? You all run out to the store and buy contraceptives and take a week off from procreating? Or you cheat and eat Pork Rinds for dinner on a Friday, instead of fish? You do it anyway and you know that you can always confess it later!!!

The State of the Royal Titties...

There I said it, Titties!! I am going straight to hell. But I must comment on the Future Princess Consort Camilla's rack. I am just sure that the English press must hate her worse than spicey food. I know this is true, because every bit of footage that they are showing of her, has her in that hideous Gunny Sack Prom Dress from the '80's. (The white long sleeved number.) It doesn't do a thing for her figure!!

I am guessing that Camilla is probably loaded considering that she is dating a Prince and lives on a big estate in England. I just gotta wonder why she doesn't invest in a Wonder Bra. Lord help us, Queen Elizabeth's breasts are about six inches highes on her chest that Cam's and she is 20 years older and has spit out 4 kids as compared to Cam's 2. (Probably didn't breast feed them though. I am sure that this duty feel to the Royal Milk Nurse or Royal Nanny.)

Camilla honey, let's get this show on the road! Go out and have those fangs brightened so you don't look like Austin Powers and invest in some support bras. And very soon you too will be the toast of England. We all love a Princess, even if she's a Princess Consort!!