Wednesday, August 27, 2008

The ALLI Chronicles - (Part II)

OK, before I get into the ALLI story. Let's talk PTA. I mean last night was the 1st one of the year. Am I just jaded, or are those skinny capri wearing Stay-At-Home-Mommie's just too much!? I mean Damn! Chill Ladies, have a cocktail already!!! I am thinking about having a PTA intervention on some of them ladies.

And on a another note, this is an open letter to my 7th grade daughter's new Science 'co-teacher':

Lucky for you bitch, my husband and child were too skeered to tell me what you did to my child before last night's Open House. I thought your dumb ass was 'a little' over the top to say the least. When you went into GREAT DETAIL to explain your side of the confrontation you had with my daughter, I thought something was off. You were really trying too hard to be my friend (and my kid's friend all of a sudden, which totally skeered her), ya know... Afterwards my daughter told me what had REALLY happened. (To get what REALLY happened you must take 50% of what the bitch told me and 50% of what the kid told me, and somewhere in there you get about half the truth.)

Let me warn you Neurotic 'Co' Science Skinny Wench, I know my kid is sulky and on her most sunniest, happiest days mostly resembles Wednesday Adams with PMS, but you are teaching my child and just like I have learned during my 40 odd years on earth, ignore the sulky looks and just teach the child. But, if I ever hear again that you put your face withing 6 inches of my child's face and stood over her menacingly as you were being pissy with her in front of the entire class.... I will hunt you down...

OK, enough of the PSA, on with the ALLI!!

Romantic Dinner for Two, Just me and ALLI
Mar 11 2008, 09:35 AM - Part two of my Saga with ALLI.OK, so I exaggerated a little (alot) about the anacoda tale, and the greasy gas story. There was none of that. (I was shizzing ya'll. Ha. I made a funny!)

Although I did feel bloated all day after taking my new friend ALLI. I just feel the burning desire to tell the truth about ALLI so that the pharmaceutical company who makes it doesn't sue (or kill) me for the previous post. I drove home, nothing out of the ordinary happened. I was kinda of disappointed because I spent A LONG time mapping out bathrooms for my ride home, and was totally going to hit the RaceTrac if needed and get myself on of those big gulps, and a snickers. (Dang, you and your promises ALLI makers!)

So last night I decided to tempt the gods and make Country Pie. (Think ground beef, cheese, rice, spagetti sauce, and lots o' meat grease!) I made the pie, but it took so long, and I knew I suppose to be eating with my new friend ALLI that I totally freaked! So, I ate about 10 bites a salsa, finished off the Chinese Take General Tso Chicken. (Thank you Quality Chef on HWY 61 and Hiram Sudie, I heart your takeout cause it's the best eva!) and I ate some other random crap (See, funny again!) that went down my gullet so fast, that I have no clue what it was.

Anywho, Country Pie was finally finished, so I brought His Royal Highness his meal in his 'office' aka bed cause he's SO IMPORTANT and needs to grade snot covered papers from kids who are all going to grow up and work at McDonald's one day, but hey I digress. Afterward me and ALLI fixed us up a good healthy portion (um, big ole' honking plate) of Country Pie. It was so yummy. I ate it all and licked the plate too! YUM YUM COUNTRY PIE!!

Afterward, I started getting that bloated feeling a little, so I made practice runs (Hee, I said runs!) to the bathroom, and stocked all the toilets with tissue just to be safe.Good Girl, ALLI didn't turn on me though! (Gurl, I think I love you!) I was doing ok. Later that night me and ALLI had us a glass of wine to celebrate. When I got up this morning I had lost exactly a pound!! OH YEA!!! I am going to be good today and eat my salad, but just you want and see, I will break down sometime this week and take my girl ALLI to Wendy's for lunch and you know what'll happen then!!! (Cue the theme of Psycho here.)

For all of you who hate my crappy stories (Oh hey, they just roll out!) please simply hit back button and don't hate. I am just doing my civic duty (or, should I say doody!) by risking my health and testing this product so that others in Paulding County will know the real truth about ALLI. Today I am wearing brown pants cause you just never know when your friend will turn on you.

OK, that's the end, ya'll have a great day. And Teacher Lady,

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