Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Crap!! Has it been a year already?!?! ALLI Chronicles (Part !)

Since that time I have lost, gained, and tried to lose again. 40lb. Reconnected with my daughter. Had my younger son move to AK, then Cali, then back home again, Dammit!! Had my old boy move back in Dammit! and also had my niece graduate from H.S., enroll in College and yes, you guessed it! also move in with me!

My husband has had an operation, and still not recovered 6 FREAKING months later, poor dear, My Daughter has turned into a running fool, running in marathons, and now roped me into a 10k for next summer. (God help me, unless I'm running after a Krispy Kreme truck.) Had my crazy mother-in-law fall inlove and marry a guy from her 'old folks home'. (He's old..but rich! Hey now!) and last but not least, I have changed jobs, AGAIN, and started college myself.

It's been a crazy year, and to top it off, it's time for the annual birthday sleepover (from hell) for the kid who is turning 12. All those raging PMS'er in my house, this weekend....oh life is good!!

I am posting something I discovered (tried) this part spring. I just want you to know that you haven't lived life on the egde until you've tried ALLI. The 'miracle' weight loss pill.....that doesn't really work.

So here goes! Read it and Weep. (More ALLI stories come! God, help me.)

Mar 10 2008, 12:01 PM

Ofcourse the instructions say things like, "only start taking ALLI on Friday evenings when you close to a bathroom", and "wear dark clothes until you get used to the effects of ALLI".

Think I listened to their silly warnings?NO, not me!! I live on the edge people!!!! I took my Alli, am wearing beige cords, and just ate a porkchop and salad smothered in FAT filled Ranch Dressing. I expect to hear intestinal fireworks any moment. Please keep you scanners and televisions tuned to your local news channel, as I am sure that there will be an emergency evacuation of my building anytime today..LONG LIVE ALLI!

(then later in the day....)

Mar 10 2008, 01:23 PM
...one hour, eleven mins later, still wearing beige cords. But I have to tell you, it feels like a giant anaconda is exploring my lower intestine right now..

(then a little later in the day....)

Mar 10 2008, 03:48 PM

3 hours and 45 mins later. The Anaconda seems to be getting restless.... He TOTALLY interrupted my 1 on 1 meeting with my manager. It was like a huge spring was going BOING BOING BOING in my guts.Who knew that a ginormous Anaconda on crack made that sound?

Anyway, I told my boss it was just my biological clock acting up again. He got this look on his face, and called an end to our meeting. Darn these greasy gas episodes.

They . just. keep. slipping. out.

All the cubes on my row are now vacant. Bunch of Wimps.I am getting ready to start my commute home now. It's an 1 hour and 45 mins commute on a good day. It's Monday, not a good day. I shall spend the last 16 mins of my day, googling public restrooms on my route.Wish me luck!

More to follow....

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