Thursday, September 25, 2008

The Cassville Flash

My best friend from grade school sent me a birthday card. It was late. So I waited FOREVER to call her back and thank her. (Late for Late, I suck..I’m vindictive. Who cares.) She’s so cool. I miss her.

I met her in 8th grade, she taught me to love the Stones, and feather my bangs. I used to go over to her house in the village and spend the night. She was the coolest eva! Her mom had let her watch the Exorcist, so she and I would shake her little sister’s bed, to scare the hell out of her. (My mom wouldn’t let me watch it, 25 years later when I did watch it, I found out why, Day-um!!!) Me and the Flash used to lip synch Blondie’s songs into a hairbrush.

Flash taught me, it's ok to skip out on homeroom and sneak down to the store for a candy run! Taught me to tormet our poor cat-lovin, 'I AM TOTALLY A STRAIGHT MALE' teacher Mr. Perry to death with out even saying a word.. Sorry Mr. Perry, I was just practicing my future fliration moves on you, didn't mean to make you have a near nervous breakdown that year...

Flash introduced me to her older hot brother’s picture and he became my 1st man-crush. (He was grown and in the army, so I only met his picture. He had a Freddie Mercury moustache… rocking hot in the 70’s.) Flash helped me to sew up the bellbottom legs on all our jeans so that they would be fashionably skin tight. We were the shit!!

She also didn’t mind that I was uber-obsessed with her “mama-boy’s” neighbor and would spend hours and hours with me walking up and down her neighborhood streets, hoping to catch a glimpse of him as he drove his big ole puke green T-bird to his job… the funeral home. (I still love you Bud!!! Ha ha..) Yea, we never hooked up, I was only in 8th, and he was much too old for me.

Flash didn’t mind taking the left-overs when we double dated with her sister. (Who went on to become MUCH more cool and braver than we ever were. Nicely done, Jenny smoking pot in the girls bathroom in middle school, and calling in bomb threats to school when you wanted to lay out. You TOTALLY rocked back then!) Even though Flash took the ‘leavins’, he still was the hottest boy on our triple date. She went on to marry him, discover he was a worthless no account wife beating hillbilly, and divorce his sorry ass, pronto. Good Job, Flash, don’t take no shit off no man!

Flash gave me the courage to sneak out of my bedroom window at night to meet boys, then helped my haul my fat ass back in just as my mother was opening the door to ground me within an inch of my life, then laughed hysterical when Mom shut the door, thus making me laugh hysterically although my entire life was flashing before my eyes right then...

Years later, Flash sat with me in the football stands while we watched the daughter I had just re-met (after giving her up for adoption 18 years earlier) graduate from highschool and begin her life as an adult. She was the rock that I needed that day, as I sat on the sidelines of the next phase of my beloved's wonderful life.

Flash was the girl I took to NYC with me. What a fun WEEK!!! NYC didn’t know what the hell hit them when she blew into town. Dropping her honey-childs, ya’ll, and I DECLARE’s all over town. Charming men all over the city!!!

Talking to the Flash brings back all those wonderful memories, back when I was skinny, had long beautiful hair with perfectly manicured feathered bangs, and no stretch marks.

Can’t wait to see her again. As I have grown old and fat over the years, the Flash hasn’t changed a bit. She’s still rocking hot, single, loving life and listening the the Stones. (You be-oitch!)

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