Friday, February 25, 2005

Pope a licious!!

Is it just me, or have you also noticed that the Pope never takes a vacation.!Now I am not a Cath-o-lick or anything, but I do go to church. My Pastor is from Arkansas, and once a year we pack him and the family up and send them home for a little R & R. Our Pastor is also into fishing and scuba diving (not very preacherly! but he is) so we also like to send him to the water once a year to do a little fishing and diving. Then the Pastor comes back after a week, refreshed and loaded down with pictures of all the fun he and the wife had during their little vacation. We (the church) loves when the pastor comes back from vacation, cause he's all smiles, and he has about a million great stories to tell in church. Not just any story mind you, as our Pastor is a master "yarn weaver". We love his stories because he manages to weave the Word into every day life for us, and we see how to apply Faith into our everyday lives.

But have you ever noticed..... that the Pope NEVER takes a vacation?!? Have you ever seen a picture of the Pope in swim trunks, setting on the beach, holding a Daiquiri? Nope. Bet not. Have you ever seen the Pope fishing? Scuba Diving? Riding a horse, wearing chaps? Nope!! See Cath-o-lick People, that's why your Pope is sick. That's why your Pope has been bitching about your lack of faith for the last 30 years! That's why he always looks like he just sucked on a lemon. That's why he's in the hospital AGAIN! Because you guys NEVER EVER give him a vacation.

Here's a suggestion, book him in a Sandal's Resort on some island IMMEDIATELY. Or better yet, get him on the next Disney Cruise leaving Cape Canaveral!! Or, how about a week at a Dude ranch! (Ofcourse, you'll have to get him outta that dress and into some Levis.)

I feel really bad for the poor Pope, he's older than dirt, and he's still working!! What is he, like in his 80's?!? For heavens sakes, leave the poor man alone, and let him retire! I think that being a Pope is alot like joining a Gang. You get jumped in, and if you survive, then you're in the 'Pope gang' until you die. That kinda sucks. Take the Pope before this one for instance. He got jumped in and died like a month later. I can just imagine all those Cardinals with the last Pope laying on the floor, while they kicked the crap outta of the poor guy screaming, "You talking to me? I know you ain't talking to me?!?!" That's what really happened to the Pope before this one.

And anyway, don't you think that the the name John Paul is just about wore out! I say it's time for a Pope Steve, or a Pope Ryan, or how about a Pope Justin!?! How are we suppose to keep up with them all, if they all have the same first and last names? Hey, that's probably why the poor guy can't take a vacation. Can you imagine trying to book the Pope into a hotel?

"Hello and thank you for calling Holiday Inn, how can I help you?"

"Yes, I am calling from the Vatican and I'd like to make a reservation."

"OK, sir what name would you like to book that under."

"Last name John Paul, first name Pope."

"Don't you mean first name John Paul and last name Pope."

"No, last name John Paul, first name Pope."

"Ok, sir let me see if I have this correct. First name is John Paul and the last name is Pope?"

"No! Last name John Paul, first name Pope!"

"Ok sir, first name is John Paul and the last name is Pope?"

"No dammit!!! THE FRICKING LAST NAME IS JOHN PAUL AND THE FIRST NAME IS POPE. Aw hell!! Just forget it, I'm calling the Days Inn!!!

So anyway, at the very least, let your Pope take a little break!! I mean, what's the worst that could happen if he takes a week off?? You all run out to the store and buy contraceptives and take a week off from procreating? Or you cheat and eat Pork Rinds for dinner on a Friday, instead of fish? You do it anyway and you know that you can always confess it later!!!


Kim said...

I followed the link from your comment on my blog and after reading I'm hooked! :) Great post and great writing. I'll be back... and I'm linking to you. (It's a southern thang!)

~ Jayme ~ said...

That pope stuff is just weird. I agree though. Perhaps if he had a vacation or two, maybe he wouldn't be falling apart and so old looking. Poor guy!

Idgie @ the "Dew" said...

Oh man are the Catholic's gonna be after you iffin they read this! :)

I do agree with you on the fact that these poor guys get in there and are then worked to death! No breaks and no retirement. Look at that poor guy! Someone give him a lazy-boy and a Bud and let him catch some Monster Truck ralley on t.v. Let him scratch his belly without the world watching!

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