Friday, January 07, 2005

OK, so I am going STRAIGHT TO HELL for this..

There's a new chick in our office who is intellectually stunted, BIG TIME. She is in her mid 20's but acts like she just crawled out from under a rock----yesterday!!

Ofcourse the stupid boss thinks she hung the moon. Her first order of business when she started was to completely organize and clean the damn kitchen because if it's messy, "it reflects poorly on me". SHE'S THE RECEPTIONIST for crying out loud!!! I found out REAL quick to avoid any conversations with her at all cost. Because she just rattles on, and on... She talks about her husband, her kid, her overweight family. AAAAAHHHHH it never ends.

She also loves to tell you how she's down with the brothers, but keeps mentioning thoese interesting tid bits over and over, so you know that black people really terrify her to no end.. (Um, I have a lot of black friends, There's alot of black people in my neigborhood, in my child's school, at my last job, etc..) Whatever freak!!

Even Bad hair Elvis is bitching about her. He just proved to me that being a good listener is SO MUCH better than being a big talker. He was just now over here bitching about her music tastes (Country Music turned up REAL LOUD) and her views on Jane Fonda (the antichrist), when she walks by and saysmumbles some random comment. I just know that she heard him. So what does he do? He tucks his flaccid little peepee between his legs and runs over to her desk and starts making chit chat to make sure her feelings aren't hurt. (or to see how much she heard, whatever)

Evidently she's so dense that she didn't comprehend what she overheard. I, meanwhile sat here quietly smiling, watching the whole thing.

I got a bit of a backache. I must have pulled something trying to open the 1,ooo lb front door to the building, so another co-worker gave me a Percocet earlier. The one brightspot in this dreary office. Whohoo I am flying now!!

I need to make up names for these crazy people in my office. From the day forward they will be know as the following:

Bad Hair Elvis - The snake new co-worker who thinks he's a selling god, but hasn't sold anything. He looks like a Las Vegas Elvis reject that you'd find in a smoky bar crusing for lonely chicks at 2am in the morning

One Up - The "faggy acting but married to a lady" boss who worships Elvis and loves all the B.S. that Elvis feeds him about imaginary sales he's about to make. One Up has done everything that you have done AND did it first AND better. His belly has been steadily expanding since I started, I am sure that he's probably pregnant.

Junky - My new source for prescription drugs. She's also in sales. Can't sell shit, (Kinda like me) because our products are shit. She is also actively seeking employment elsewhere, but is way better a acting like she gives a damn than I am.

Penelope Pittstop - Our clueless receptionist who is going to change the world starting with the organization of our employee kitchen. She's down with the "brothers", as long as they don't come near her, or talk to her, or look at her. She loves (JUST LOVES) that honky tonk, and plays it on her radio at the front desk so that on the rare occasion that some slob visits our office, they'll know that we are By God, USA loving, Bush Backing, Hellfire and Brimstone Baptists!!

Anyway - back to "work" before my Percocet wears off and my backs makes me cry again.. I am a Big Ole' Baby.




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