Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Some guys just don't get it....

Soooo, now that I have a new computer, (Thanks, Phone Company!) I am back!!

The other day, I saw a guy who reminded me of a guy I used to know. Now I ain't one to mention names, (David) but let me tell you about this smoooooth operator.

I remarried about 4 years ago, but before my marriage, I enjoyed the glorious life of a single girl. There was this guy that I had met at one of my many past jobs, who had kept in touch with me throughout the demise of my last marriage and my single years. He acted like such a nice guy. When I first met him, we worked at a LD company. He was in sales, I was in sales support. He was such a nice, professional, courteous gentleman. (Think - snake in the henhouse!) Whenever the girls had a little night out at the bars, he'd chaperone. When we'd had a little too much to drink, there he was offering to drive us home. Drink glass empty? Here's another drink from good ole' David.

He was a basically a nice looking guy, but totally not my type. So there was never any attraction on my part, nor did I feel that he might have had the hots for me! (He's about 6 inches shorter than me and dainty, I'd be afraid that I'd break him in half, if I jumped his bones.)

I used to feel sorry for him, because he was always moaning and groaning about how he had to sell something, because he was having to pay his ex-wife a ton a alimony, AND he was also paying a ton in child support to his child with this chickie.. He was so broke that he had to live at his parent's, and he could barely scrape by. Poor sweet guy!!

Well, he kept this game up for a couple of years. We both changed jobs, but still kept in touch. I was his shoulder to cry on, and I knew that if I ever needed a free taxi, he'd be there. Sweet as pie, he was..

So one night out of the blue, he calls me at my house. He says that he is dog/house setting for a friend nearby, and wouldn't it be great if he dropped by my place, and we'd shoot the breeze for a while. I was happy to hear from him, but my kids were at home, and I have a HUGE rule about mixing men and kids. But then I thought, this nice sweet guy, and he IS just a really good friend.

So idiot me, says "Sure you can drop by for a bit, but it is a school night and my boys are both at home, but sure you can come by and visit for a minute." Can you see the words SUCKER written across my forehead?

So he came over (way later than he was suppose to), at about the time that I was going to bed, so I could get up the next morning and go into the office. But, the kids were already in bed, Thank the Lord! So here he comes, toting a bottle of wine. (Nice!) He says that he'll just stay for a glass or two. "Cool" I think, he'll be gone in an hour or less!

Hahahaha, did I say that I was a sucker? Oh yeah, he drunk all the wine he brought, all the wine I had in the house, found some beer in his car, and he drunk that too. Heck, I wouldn't have been surprised to have seen him working on the toilet cleaner. So about 2 hours later, near midnight he annouces that he is drunk and that he's afraid to drive the half mile over to the house that he's staying at.

"Uh- I thought you were also dog sitting", I thought. So he asked me if he could stay the night and that he conveniently has his office suit out in his car, because he just picked it up from the drycleaners. (Oh, it gets better from here!) So reluctantly, very reluctantly, I say that he can stay in the guest room. He seems fine with that.

So he goes out to his car and bring in his suit and his ho-bag (that's a bag that you pack when you know ahead of time that you'll be staying at someone's house for sex - in case you didn't know!) I didn't realize that it was a ho-bag til later. I show him the guest room and the bathroom, and tell him goodnight, and to make himself at home. Then I drag my tired ass off to bed. I was so fricking tired. I took off my make-up, brushed my fangs, and slipped into my favorite ratty looking PJ's. (Far far from sexy!)

About the time, that I was drifting off, I hear a little knock, so I say, "Come in." and guess who standing there in his underpants?!?!? You gotta it! Good ole' David! Now the underpants were not normal, the were actually kind of cute, and could have passed for "wearing in public" shorts. And I noticed that his nipples were pierced (Ladies - This is the BIG warning factor that I missed.) He gets this mopey look on his face, and says that he just really feels like talking and that I am so easy to talk to, can he come in? So I tell him that it's late and I gotta get up early for work tomorrow. . . He starts looking teary eyed, and hangs his head like a little kid. So dummy me, sets up in bed, and he comes over and sits on the edge of the bed.

He starts out telling me how so many girls have done him wrong, the he progresses onto how one girl he knows, is totally in love with him, and hey by the way! he took her to a "couples" club and they made out with a married couple. Next, he talks about how he loves to go to these joints, but he just can't find a girl to go with him. I am so clueless and tired that I am missing these totally lame hints. Meanwhile he keeps asking me to use my bathroom (of the master bath.) Everytime he disappears in there, I start racking my brain trying to figure out how to get rid of his ass with out hurting his feelings.

So after a bit of him talking on and on about only God knows what, because I am half asleep and trying to steer the conversation out of the gutter. He grabs one of my fancy ruflfled, not for sleeping on, pillows and hugs it to his chest. Then he lays it in his lap. Meanwhile I am in shock because here he is, sitting on my damn bed after midnight, pissing and moaning about life, AND manhandling my good pillow!

Next thing I know, he's back to talking about the "couples club" and asking me if I had ever been to one. About this time, I notice my "good" pillow starting to bounce up and down in his lap. OK, now I've had it! (You can irritate me to death, drink all my wine, deprive me of my sleep, but keep your damn paws off my good pillows!) I asked, "What the hell are you doing?" He looks at me like I am outta of my mind for even asking and says, "Somethings, when I snort coke, I have to play with it to keep it hard." He was calm as could be. Then he offered to share his "wonderful" coke with me. Well I lost it then, I told him that he needed to get the hell out, and started herding him to the door. Grabbing his coke, suit and ho-bag, and shoving him, and them out the door and locking it.

Looking back on the incident, I know that I should have seen the warning signs, and that I am sometimes clueless when it comes to bad people. And I wonder why, if he wanted to sleep with me, he didn't just come right out and say it like normal guys do. (Hey, you're hot, let's screw! )

Lastly, he is living proof that people who don't live like God intends, will never know His blessings! That is why his life was so miserable. I hate to get up on the pulpit and I am FAR FAR from perfect, but I really feel the need to point this out in relation to this story.

Well guess you've all had about a belly full of me by now, so I am out! for now...


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