Friday, March 25, 2005

Hell just opened a new attraction....

....it's called "The Skating Rink". Yeah, so I went there when I was much much younger, but my o my pudding and pie, how times have changed!

My husband overheard our darlin' 15 yr old neice plotting via the phone to meet a boy at the skating ring. So my adoring honey felt obligated to email me with this info at work. So, being the tricky oldlady that I am, I immediately phoned home, (Yep,she was still on the phone with the little perpertrator) and informed her that I work for the phone company and we can monitor any conversation that we want from my office. (It's true, we probably could if we wanted to, but the goverment won't let us, and I didn't technically say that I was monitoring THAT particular conversation...so I didn't lie) And I asked her what's all this stuff about "meeting up"at the skating ring......Total Dead Silence on her end, then ....."Uh, Uh, Uh, well...." and for some odd strange moment, I said those words that I will forever regret....

"Well, I guess since I can't trust you, I'll have to go to the skating ring with you tonight!" I swear, I must truly have tourettes syndrome!

So I hang up, leave work, and all I can think about all the way home is,"Why!?!?! Why!?!?!

I get home, and then ask the 8 yr old if she would also like to go. Well, duh!! Ofcourse she would! Then somehow, next thing I know, I am inviting along the neighbor's kid. (Which is OK because she has 3 younger brothers, so she is a naturaly babysitter, and keeps my kid entertained for the most part!)

So we all load up and go skating. Whee!! Well, I didn't actually skate, I was just there...Like a knot on a log...watching the paint dry.... like a deer in the headlights...

The minute we walk thru the door, everyone immediately scatters in opposite directions. Since, I only have 2 eyes, with 3 girls to watch, I was at a lose. So I take my big hiney over to the tables and set down. Just when I have my nose good and deep in a book, over comes the younger 2 with their skates... "Whah! We can't get our skates on!" So I unlace, shove feet into stinky skates and then relace for a full 10 minutes. I now know how that poor footman felt in the Cinderella story! (I repeated this exercise 3 more times with them this evening, unlace, shove, relace..)

Once, the skates are on, off they go!! Finally, back to my book. About this time, I see a gaggle of hoodlums of in the corner, and guess who's holding court with 'em? You guessed it! My big girl! Geez, about this time, she sees me looking real "crazy eyed" over at her, and skates over and announces that "It's hot in here!" and whips off her jacket to reveal a tight tight low necked spagetti strap shirt underneath. I tell her to pull up the front so her boobies don't fall out, and off she sails on her skates again. (I really must learn to check outfits before we leave the house!)

At about this time, over comes my 8 year old to whine. Man! Something about the skating rink brings out the worst in that dang kid! "Whah! I can't skate fast, Whah! I fell down, Whah! I'm thirsty, Whah! Whah! Whah! AND did I mention world class tattle tailing!?! Anyway, after about 5 minutes of her, I simply shouted, "Shush!! you!! Be gone!!!"

Back to my fricking book!! Have you ever tried to read a book in the skating rink? With strobe lights, disco balls, loud thumping music and 500 kids bumping into your fricking table even though the little wretches have an aisle as wide as a barn to pass through? I swear, I have no idea why darn kids have to touch everything!! Everytime they passed my table, they'd grab the chair or the fricking table. So I moved off into the corner, in fact I moved 3 times, with the same results at every table...

I finally gave up on the book, and started actually trying to figure out where my girls were. It's amazing how many hiding places there are at the skating rink! Even though it's one huge room! I walked around, lugging my big ole' granny purse, sticking out like a sore thumb, (If you were there, yes I was that old lady wearing the Jesus VBS shirt, toting the big black doctor's bag. When did I get so darn old?) and I'd run across them at the most random spots....setting at a video game (even though they didn't have any money, and there was a line of people waiting to get on the same game), standing in the corner with other people their age, all desperately trying to look cool, and ignore each other, while standing close enough to each other to look like their all friends with each other.

We were at the skating rink for a total of 3 hours tonight, and I think that each one of my girls spend a total of 10 minutes each skating, and it cost 33 bucks for me to get them in. I'd would have had a much better deal, if I'd ditched them all, and took that money to go get my nails done!! Don't you agree!

Well I guess that I'll go nighty night for now, while I dream of skating rinks that still do the Hokey Pokey, sell beer and don't allow kids...

2 comments:

Romani Heart said...

Oh man, I remember going to the skating rink at least once every weekend. It was a long time ago, I'm pushin 40..hard. Sometimes my mom would drop me off and me and a friend would sneak out and go sit in the ditch and drink boone's farm. Because of this, my daughter never gets away with anything lol.

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