Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Men!! Can't live with 'em, ain't allowed to kill 'em

My dearest hubby is on break from college. (Will this darn man ever graduate?!?) So he is under the impression that although I get up at the crack of dawn, and disappear all day, that I must not be doing anything, therefore I must wait on him hand and foot, whilst he sits atop his throne and orders me about!! Men are useless..

Sunday, (MOTHER'S DAY!!!) I assembly EVERYTHING needed for the trip to the amusement park. (Food, towels, extra clothes, lawn chairs, kids...) feed the animals, pack the freaking van,etc.. etc.. while he lounges in bed.. Only after everything is packed does he get up and take a long and leisurely shower. Then after the entire family waits in the drive for 15 minutes, out he comes fresh as a daisy!!

Monday, I go to work. He calls me 4 freaking times, BEFORE 9AM!!! because he can't find something (his ass, probably!!) then calls to say, "Nevermind, I found it!". Ofcourse, because I work, I am busy and can't answer the phone. so I call him back and he says, "Where were you?" I swear if I wasn't 40 miles away, I would have just smacked him!! So Monday progresses, and I get home from work. Is dinner ready, I ask you? Heck no!!! He took the car to the mechanic and HUNG OUT AND TALKED TO THE GUY ALL DAY!! Cause that's what my husband does, he doesn't drop anything off to be repaired and then comes back... HECK NO!!! He just hangs out and talks your ears off, while you fix what he brought to you. Does he trust me to have it repaired? A mere woman?!? Heck No!! So I get home, throw dinner together and then have to listen to him whine about how hard his day was.

Later that night he gets in the bed and starts whining about how he needs me to bring him up a bowl of ice cream. OK, no problem. between making sure teeth are brushed, doing laundry, cleaning up the damn dinner dishes from the dinner that I COOKED, AFTER I GOT HOME FROM WORKING ALL DAY, picking up kid from work, feeding animals, chasing down and putting animals in for night, locking up, turning off the 1 million lights all over the house that you and the kids left on, I will be more than happy to get your lazy butt some DARN ICECREAM!!!!

So ofcourse I forgot the ice cream. Does he just let it go?!?!? Heck NO!! He starts with the "You forgot my icecream, WAH!! That's OK. I do stuff all the time for you!, But don't worry about it, that's quite OK, I'll just lay here...hint hint hint!" So instead of hearing his wanking for the next 8 hours, I go get the damn ice cream!!

Tuesday - He takes the other 2 cars for tires. (Yep, I could have just dropped them off, but remember "I'm just a woman!) So he must research every freaking site within a 1,000 mile radious of our house on the internet, to make sure the he's getting the best deal. (Darn!! These things are a dime cheaper per tire in ALA? That's almost a whole dollar!) But aleast he did cook dinner, so I will give him that. Even though he tried to substitute collards for spianch in the dish. (It was yuk!) Ofcourse I told him it was delicious, so that I wouldn't have to hear about how he "slaved" in the kitchen and I didn't appreciate it. Guess who cleared the table? Yep, me..

Then he made me watch "Ole Yeller"with him and the little one! "OLE YELLER" hurls!! It was just as bad this time as the other 7 million times I watched it every freaking Sunday night of my life growing up!!!

So today is Wednesday, he says that he is doing yard work. What he is doing I have no clue. Looks like he has about $200 worth of chemicals to throw out on the yard. We really don't have grass, in the back. It's all weeds, and overgrowth. Our front yard is about the size of my ass, and it looks fine to me. I am sure that this "yard work" (or using the riding mower with his toy hooked to the back to throw out the fertilizer) will take all day, therefore I will need to cook dinner.

It's be nice if he helped with house work, but he has no freaking idea where we even keep the vacuum cleaner, or the mop (even though he passes by it EVERY time he goes out into the garage to worship his mower!)

Do I sound a little bitter? A little jealous that he's on vacation and I'm not? Maybe I need to be medicated.. Or euthanized? Maybe I'm getting my period? Yep, that must be it.

My sister-in-law (married to my brother) was recently telling me how she gets prescription drugs from her doctor. She said to just say to the doctor, "I want to saw my husband's head off, do you have anything to stop that?" Yea, maybe I need to talk to the doctor.. haha

Seriously, I do love my husband and I am the reason he is so aggravating. I think that I marry a man and then set about making him helpless the minute I say, "I do!" so it's all my own fault.

And I wouldn't change anything about him for the world!!


Virgo Kitten said...

Thou shalt worship the Buddha. (Just kidding). Tell him you are going on vacation with me (and Dar and some other crazy women) the first weekend in June. Just try not to "mom" me (you get enough of that at home, but being your spawn, I will probably get some of it, too).

*sigh* Men. Why can't we keep them in kennels?

JUST A MOM said...

"Saw his head off" man that is a good one, off to the phone, Have a better day.

SouthernChickie said...

Haha. Now that I've got a little coffee in me, I think he'll live!!

Yes, Let's go on vacation!! Where, is the question.

Mom you?!! Are you kidding me? You'll need to mother me!

Virgo Kitten said...

That is scary. But I doubt you can top my 21st birthday "adventure". Just don't ever bring it up again.

We're all going to St. Simons, me, Dar, and a bunch of our hasher girls.

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