Friday, May 13, 2005

TGIF .. and keep the change

TGIF - When I was a kid, my mom has a pack a day - box of matches. (so classy..) Wednesday said something like "hump day". Saturday said "Bath Day" and Friday said "TGIF". I used to get the Friday packs and study them for dear life.

What does it mean? What does T-G-I-F stand for? Is this some sort of secret grown up code for something? Could it mean There's Ghosts In Fridge?

Hey I never claimed to be smart!!

Now, I know only too well what TGIF means. It's Friday, the day I live for, the day that I go to bed early so that I can sleep late on Saturday. The day that begins me weekly mini vacation!!

Damn, I need to simmer down, it's only a Friday, not like a national holiday or anything. Whew!

Yesterday I barfed. Now for those that know me well, I am not a barfer. I (unfortunately) retain every morsel that passes my lips. (Usually on my hips!) but I went out to lunch yesterday with a co-worker, had a marvelous feast of Pizza Hut Pizza Bar and salad. Got up to pay, and..... felt it all coming up! Yep, barely made it to the restroom. I felt somewhat better afterwards, and prided myself on becoming a instant bullemic. I actually felt quite slim for the rest of the day.

So by the time I get home from work, I am in a near panic to eat. I was so freaking hungry,,, that I could have eaten the "crotch outta a ragdoll" "the balls of a bear", "the ass of a orangutan",,, well you get the picture. (sorry for being so gross - but these quotes that I hear often from my redneck circle of friends.)

So my lovely hubby has made Lasagna. IT WAS THE BEST EVER!!! Ofcourse even though he called to see what time I was coming home from work, so he could have it on the table when I got home... it still wasn't ready when I got home. I was practically hopping to eat. When I finally get to eat, IT WAS THE BEST EVER!!! really it was good! So even though I was felling queasy, I had a second helping. Then, even though I couldn't possibly eat another bite..I had a third serving.. Yep, I am a piglet!!

The rest of the night I WAS SO FREAKING SICK!!! to my stomach, AND COULDN'T BARF!! So much for my new found bullemia..

Seriously though, how could someone be bullemic? Crap.. is throwing up fun? Having to clean the toilet off, afterwards a joy! walking around with the taste of barf in your mouth all day orgasmic? I just don't get it. I hate throwing up worse than labor. Might be why have so many damn kids..

Ok - here is my "How not to get a woman to fall in bed with you" hint of the day:

When your woman walks in the door from work, dropping kid off at dance, running to the grocery store, and picking up kid from dance, while you ain't doing nothing at all- and is putting away groceries that YOU did not help carry in, and she has to pee like a racehorse. You must insist that she drop everything, and I do mean everything, to help you move the stupid entertainment center so that you can check the damn cable box of the retarded TV that you ain't even watching. And whatever you do, DO NOT OFFER TO HELP HER PUT AWAY THE GROCERIES even if she tells you that she will help you once the groceries are put away and it will go faster if you help!

This move will work every time you want a women NOT to fall in to bed with you!!

4 comments:

Idgie @ the "Dew" said...

The Pizza Hut buffet will get you every time. I was in agony for a while - my son kept getting free kids pizza meals there once a month - the one on Glade Road in Acworth? NASTY! Every month I held my breath to see who got sick!

Sorry about the tummy troubles. I used to have the iron stomach and something about getting preggers with these dern twins wrecked it and in the last 4 years I've had more tummy issues than in my entire life!

Virgo Kitten said...

Thanks for not passing that iron stomach down to me. I think Friday might have been the first time in a long while that I held my alcohol. Usually I am a barfing machine (as you know).

SouthernChickie said...

Mommy's so proud? VirgoKitten.

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