So What happen to me? you are asking yourselves....
Well, Maw-in-Law is back in town..... Yep, leave it to an in-law to call you, after you are in bed, but 3 minutes before you are about to get down to biz-ness with her little boy!!! That's exactly how it happened too. (or didn't happen, come to think of it!)
On a Thursday night... the one night of the month when we were going to get lucky...Ring!!!Ring!!! goes the phone. Nothing kills the mood like the voice of your mother, in a hot hurry panic....to book a plane trip ...... to your house.... 3 weeks earlier than originally planned.
Love you Maw-in-Law!!! Thanks for the call!
So she was at her psycho sister's house. (sister = Sybil, 3 Faces of Eve, Angelina Joli in Girl Interrupted..) MIL and sister got into a knock down drag out, so MIL called us and wanted to jet back to our house. No problem, love to have you here...Only I haven't cleaned the house since you left back in February.
So Thursday, Friday, and Saturday was spent in a frenzy of cleaning, clearing and organizing!! Even though, MIL has spent every single second since her arrival re-cleaning, re-clearing, and re-organizing, me, again....
On a brighter note!! She is heading back to my Sister-in-law's to re-clean, re-clear, and re-organize her house in 3 weeks. Oh Joy!!
I love having MIL at my house, she's Arabic and I'm Southern, so every sentence we speak ends with "Can you repeat that?". And though we have nothing in common, expect we both love the same guy, (Her boy, my hubby!),we manage to have fun. She is really keeping me on the go. She likes to shop, eat out, and visit places, while I like to lay around, sleep, and do nothing. Guess whose agenda, we follow? Yep, hers!! So you will hear less and less of me the next 3 weeks or so, while I try to work, clean house for a change, entertain MIL, and somewhere in the middle of all that, lay around and do nothing!!!
I'll miss you!
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Monday, May 16, 2005
Children of the Corn..
So Saturday night we are feeling a little sorry for the neighbor, because his wife is not the proud owner of the local Tai Kwon Do (Spelling?) studio and now must spend every waking moment of their life at it, or funding raising for it.
So the wife had organized a "sleep in" to raise money for the studio (This in the same day after she did a carwash AND a yardsale for the same studio) So anyway, we are feeling sorry for the neighbor guy, because wife took off with the 3 older kids and left him with the 2 yr old for the evening. So I invited them over for dinner and a movie.
The neighbor is originally from Michigan, the red neck part. So I thought that I'd give him some good ole home cooking. So I fried up some chicken livers, steamed some cabbage, made pinto beans and cornbread and oh yea potato salad. Evidently people in Michigan never were as poor as us Southerns. He had never had chicken livers before. He was so funny, he said, "People actually eat these as a meal?" He wouldn't touch cornbread or cabbage. Put he did have the potato salad a little bit of beans, so I guess he didn't starve.
His 2 year old on the other hand was in heaven. I swear that kid will eat anything. He was slurping down sweet tea like it was heaven. He was begging his dad for beans (Those have to be rationed because they make for awful messy diapers, per the dad.) and I had also made some noodles for my finicky brats, but the baby was totally enthralled by the noodles. He was slurping those like worms, throwing them on his head, throwing on my son's head, making mustaches out of them, feeding them to the dogs... (The dogs were in heaven too, to find a new "feed me at the table" source!) The baby was just too cute!!
I just love the nieghbor's kids. They are so cool for kids. I think it must be because their parents have tons of patience and take them everywhere they go. I rarely ever hear the mom "snap" (which is something that I am prone to.) and she is always on top of their behavior. So that makes for well behaved kids. Now they do have their moments, but they are few and far between.
I think these little monster's are my training pants for when I have grandkids. I just love them, the come over and entertain me, and when they get on my last nerve, I just open the door and say, "Is that your mom calling? Must be time for you to go home!"
So the wife had organized a "sleep in" to raise money for the studio (This in the same day after she did a carwash AND a yardsale for the same studio) So anyway, we are feeling sorry for the neighbor guy, because wife took off with the 3 older kids and left him with the 2 yr old for the evening. So I invited them over for dinner and a movie.
The neighbor is originally from Michigan, the red neck part. So I thought that I'd give him some good ole home cooking. So I fried up some chicken livers, steamed some cabbage, made pinto beans and cornbread and oh yea potato salad. Evidently people in Michigan never were as poor as us Southerns. He had never had chicken livers before. He was so funny, he said, "People actually eat these as a meal?" He wouldn't touch cornbread or cabbage. Put he did have the potato salad a little bit of beans, so I guess he didn't starve.
His 2 year old on the other hand was in heaven. I swear that kid will eat anything. He was slurping down sweet tea like it was heaven. He was begging his dad for beans (Those have to be rationed because they make for awful messy diapers, per the dad.) and I had also made some noodles for my finicky brats, but the baby was totally enthralled by the noodles. He was slurping those like worms, throwing them on his head, throwing on my son's head, making mustaches out of them, feeding them to the dogs... (The dogs were in heaven too, to find a new "feed me at the table" source!) The baby was just too cute!!
I just love the nieghbor's kids. They are so cool for kids. I think it must be because their parents have tons of patience and take them everywhere they go. I rarely ever hear the mom "snap" (which is something that I am prone to.) and she is always on top of their behavior. So that makes for well behaved kids. Now they do have their moments, but they are few and far between.
I think these little monster's are my training pants for when I have grandkids. I just love them, the come over and entertain me, and when they get on my last nerve, I just open the door and say, "Is that your mom calling? Must be time for you to go home!"
Friday, May 13, 2005
TGIF .. and keep the change
TGIF - When I was a kid, my mom has a pack a day - box of matches. (so classy..) Wednesday said something like "hump day". Saturday said "Bath Day" and Friday said "TGIF". I used to get the Friday packs and study them for dear life.
What does it mean? What does T-G-I-F stand for? Is this some sort of secret grown up code for something? Could it mean There's Ghosts In Fridge?
Hey I never claimed to be smart!!
Now, I know only too well what TGIF means. It's Friday, the day I live for, the day that I go to bed early so that I can sleep late on Saturday. The day that begins me weekly mini vacation!!
Damn, I need to simmer down, it's only a Friday, not like a national holiday or anything. Whew!
Yesterday I barfed. Now for those that know me well, I am not a barfer. I (unfortunately) retain every morsel that passes my lips. (Usually on my hips!) but I went out to lunch yesterday with a co-worker, had a marvelous feast of Pizza Hut Pizza Bar and salad. Got up to pay, and..... felt it all coming up! Yep, barely made it to the restroom. I felt somewhat better afterwards, and prided myself on becoming a instant bullemic. I actually felt quite slim for the rest of the day.
So by the time I get home from work, I am in a near panic to eat. I was so freaking hungry,,, that I could have eaten the "crotch outta a ragdoll" "the balls of a bear", "the ass of a orangutan",,, well you get the picture. (sorry for being so gross - but these quotes that I hear often from my redneck circle of friends.)
So my lovely hubby has made Lasagna. IT WAS THE BEST EVER!!! Ofcourse even though he called to see what time I was coming home from work, so he could have it on the table when I got home... it still wasn't ready when I got home. I was practically hopping to eat. When I finally get to eat, IT WAS THE BEST EVER!!! really it was good! So even though I was felling queasy, I had a second helping. Then, even though I couldn't possibly eat another bite..I had a third serving.. Yep, I am a piglet!!
The rest of the night I WAS SO FREAKING SICK!!! to my stomach, AND COULDN'T BARF!! So much for my new found bullemia..
Seriously though, how could someone be bullemic? Crap.. is throwing up fun? Having to clean the toilet off, afterwards a joy! walking around with the taste of barf in your mouth all day orgasmic? I just don't get it. I hate throwing up worse than labor. Might be why have so many damn kids..
Ok - here is my "How not to get a woman to fall in bed with you" hint of the day:
When your woman walks in the door from work, dropping kid off at dance, running to the grocery store, and picking up kid from dance, while you ain't doing nothing at all- and is putting away groceries that YOU did not help carry in, and she has to pee like a racehorse. You must insist that she drop everything, and I do mean everything, to help you move the stupid entertainment center so that you can check the damn cable box of the retarded TV that you ain't even watching. And whatever you do, DO NOT OFFER TO HELP HER PUT AWAY THE GROCERIES even if she tells you that she will help you once the groceries are put away and it will go faster if you help!
This move will work every time you want a women NOT to fall in to bed with you!!
What does it mean? What does T-G-I-F stand for? Is this some sort of secret grown up code for something? Could it mean There's Ghosts In Fridge?
Hey I never claimed to be smart!!
Now, I know only too well what TGIF means. It's Friday, the day I live for, the day that I go to bed early so that I can sleep late on Saturday. The day that begins me weekly mini vacation!!
Damn, I need to simmer down, it's only a Friday, not like a national holiday or anything. Whew!
Yesterday I barfed. Now for those that know me well, I am not a barfer. I (unfortunately) retain every morsel that passes my lips. (Usually on my hips!) but I went out to lunch yesterday with a co-worker, had a marvelous feast of Pizza Hut Pizza Bar and salad. Got up to pay, and..... felt it all coming up! Yep, barely made it to the restroom. I felt somewhat better afterwards, and prided myself on becoming a instant bullemic. I actually felt quite slim for the rest of the day.
So by the time I get home from work, I am in a near panic to eat. I was so freaking hungry,,, that I could have eaten the "crotch outta a ragdoll" "the balls of a bear", "the ass of a orangutan",,, well you get the picture. (sorry for being so gross - but these quotes that I hear often from my redneck circle of friends.)
So my lovely hubby has made Lasagna. IT WAS THE BEST EVER!!! Ofcourse even though he called to see what time I was coming home from work, so he could have it on the table when I got home... it still wasn't ready when I got home. I was practically hopping to eat. When I finally get to eat, IT WAS THE BEST EVER!!! really it was good! So even though I was felling queasy, I had a second helping. Then, even though I couldn't possibly eat another bite..I had a third serving.. Yep, I am a piglet!!
The rest of the night I WAS SO FREAKING SICK!!! to my stomach, AND COULDN'T BARF!! So much for my new found bullemia..
Seriously though, how could someone be bullemic? Crap.. is throwing up fun? Having to clean the toilet off, afterwards a joy! walking around with the taste of barf in your mouth all day orgasmic? I just don't get it. I hate throwing up worse than labor. Might be why have so many damn kids..
Ok - here is my "How not to get a woman to fall in bed with you" hint of the day:
When your woman walks in the door from work, dropping kid off at dance, running to the grocery store, and picking up kid from dance, while you ain't doing nothing at all- and is putting away groceries that YOU did not help carry in, and she has to pee like a racehorse. You must insist that she drop everything, and I do mean everything, to help you move the stupid entertainment center so that you can check the damn cable box of the retarded TV that you ain't even watching. And whatever you do, DO NOT OFFER TO HELP HER PUT AWAY THE GROCERIES even if she tells you that she will help you once the groceries are put away and it will go faster if you help!
This move will work every time you want a women NOT to fall in to bed with you!!
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
And while I am whing about my hubby, my daughter sent this...
Women's Ass Size Study
There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their asses.
There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their asses.
The results were pretty interesting:
85% of women think their ass is too fat.
85% of women think their ass is too fat.
10% of women think their ass is too skinny.
The other 5% say that they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway.
Men!! Can't live with 'em, ain't allowed to kill 'em
My dearest hubby is on break from college. (Will this darn man ever graduate?!?) So he is under the impression that although I get up at the crack of dawn, and disappear all day, that I must not be doing anything, therefore I must wait on him hand and foot, whilst he sits atop his throne and orders me about!! Men are useless..
Sunday, (MOTHER'S DAY!!!) I assembly EVERYTHING needed for the trip to the amusement park. (Food, towels, extra clothes, lawn chairs, kids...) feed the animals, pack the freaking van,etc.. etc.. while he lounges in bed.. Only after everything is packed does he get up and take a long and leisurely shower. Then after the entire family waits in the drive for 15 minutes, out he comes fresh as a daisy!!
Monday, I go to work. He calls me 4 freaking times, BEFORE 9AM!!! because he can't find something (his ass, probably!!) then calls to say, "Nevermind, I found it!". Ofcourse, because I work, I am busy and can't answer the phone. so I call him back and he says, "Where were you?" I swear if I wasn't 40 miles away, I would have just smacked him!! So Monday progresses, and I get home from work. Is dinner ready, I ask you? Heck no!!! He took the car to the mechanic and HUNG OUT AND TALKED TO THE GUY ALL DAY!! Cause that's what my husband does, he doesn't drop anything off to be repaired and then comes back... HECK NO!!! He just hangs out and talks your ears off, while you fix what he brought to you. Does he trust me to have it repaired? A mere woman?!? Heck No!! So I get home, throw dinner together and then have to listen to him whine about how hard his day was.
Later that night he gets in the bed and starts whining about how he needs me to bring him up a bowl of ice cream. OK, no problem. between making sure teeth are brushed, doing laundry, cleaning up the damn dinner dishes from the dinner that I COOKED, AFTER I GOT HOME FROM WORKING ALL DAY, picking up kid from work, feeding animals, chasing down and putting animals in for night, locking up, turning off the 1 million lights all over the house that you and the kids left on, I will be more than happy to get your lazy butt some DARN ICECREAM!!!!
So ofcourse I forgot the ice cream. Does he just let it go?!?!? Heck NO!! He starts with the "You forgot my icecream, WAH!! That's OK. I do stuff all the time for you!, But don't worry about it, that's quite OK, I'll just lay here...hint hint hint!" So instead of hearing his wanking for the next 8 hours, I go get the damn ice cream!!
Tuesday - He takes the other 2 cars for tires. (Yep, I could have just dropped them off, but remember "I'm just a woman!) So he must research every freaking site within a 1,000 mile radious of our house on the internet, to make sure the he's getting the best deal. (Darn!! These things are a dime cheaper per tire in ALA? That's almost a whole dollar!) But aleast he did cook dinner, so I will give him that. Even though he tried to substitute collards for spianch in the dish. (It was yuk!) Ofcourse I told him it was delicious, so that I wouldn't have to hear about how he "slaved" in the kitchen and I didn't appreciate it. Guess who cleared the table? Yep, me..
Then he made me watch "Ole Yeller"with him and the little one! "OLE YELLER" hurls!! It was just as bad this time as the other 7 million times I watched it every freaking Sunday night of my life growing up!!!
So today is Wednesday, he says that he is doing yard work. What he is doing I have no clue. Looks like he has about $200 worth of chemicals to throw out on the yard. We really don't have grass, in the back. It's all weeds, and overgrowth. Our front yard is about the size of my ass, and it looks fine to me. I am sure that this "yard work" (or using the riding mower with his toy hooked to the back to throw out the fertilizer) will take all day, therefore I will need to cook dinner.
It's be nice if he helped with house work, but he has no freaking idea where we even keep the vacuum cleaner, or the mop (even though he passes by it EVERY time he goes out into the garage to worship his mower!)
Do I sound a little bitter? A little jealous that he's on vacation and I'm not? Maybe I need to be medicated.. Or euthanized? Maybe I'm getting my period? Yep, that must be it.
My sister-in-law (married to my brother) was recently telling me how she gets prescription drugs from her doctor. She said to just say to the doctor, "I want to saw my husband's head off, do you have anything to stop that?" Yea, maybe I need to talk to the doctor.. haha
Seriously, I do love my husband and I am the reason he is so aggravating. I think that I marry a man and then set about making him helpless the minute I say, "I do!" so it's all my own fault.
And I wouldn't change anything about him for the world!!
Sunday, (MOTHER'S DAY!!!) I assembly EVERYTHING needed for the trip to the amusement park. (Food, towels, extra clothes, lawn chairs, kids...) feed the animals, pack the freaking van,etc.. etc.. while he lounges in bed.. Only after everything is packed does he get up and take a long and leisurely shower. Then after the entire family waits in the drive for 15 minutes, out he comes fresh as a daisy!!
Monday, I go to work. He calls me 4 freaking times, BEFORE 9AM!!! because he can't find something (his ass, probably!!) then calls to say, "Nevermind, I found it!". Ofcourse, because I work, I am busy and can't answer the phone. so I call him back and he says, "Where were you?" I swear if I wasn't 40 miles away, I would have just smacked him!! So Monday progresses, and I get home from work. Is dinner ready, I ask you? Heck no!!! He took the car to the mechanic and HUNG OUT AND TALKED TO THE GUY ALL DAY!! Cause that's what my husband does, he doesn't drop anything off to be repaired and then comes back... HECK NO!!! He just hangs out and talks your ears off, while you fix what he brought to you. Does he trust me to have it repaired? A mere woman?!? Heck No!! So I get home, throw dinner together and then have to listen to him whine about how hard his day was.
Later that night he gets in the bed and starts whining about how he needs me to bring him up a bowl of ice cream. OK, no problem. between making sure teeth are brushed, doing laundry, cleaning up the damn dinner dishes from the dinner that I COOKED, AFTER I GOT HOME FROM WORKING ALL DAY, picking up kid from work, feeding animals, chasing down and putting animals in for night, locking up, turning off the 1 million lights all over the house that you and the kids left on, I will be more than happy to get your lazy butt some DARN ICECREAM!!!!
So ofcourse I forgot the ice cream. Does he just let it go?!?!? Heck NO!! He starts with the "You forgot my icecream, WAH!! That's OK. I do stuff all the time for you!, But don't worry about it, that's quite OK, I'll just lay here...hint hint hint!" So instead of hearing his wanking for the next 8 hours, I go get the damn ice cream!!
Tuesday - He takes the other 2 cars for tires. (Yep, I could have just dropped them off, but remember "I'm just a woman!) So he must research every freaking site within a 1,000 mile radious of our house on the internet, to make sure the he's getting the best deal. (Darn!! These things are a dime cheaper per tire in ALA? That's almost a whole dollar!) But aleast he did cook dinner, so I will give him that. Even though he tried to substitute collards for spianch in the dish. (It was yuk!) Ofcourse I told him it was delicious, so that I wouldn't have to hear about how he "slaved" in the kitchen and I didn't appreciate it. Guess who cleared the table? Yep, me..
Then he made me watch "Ole Yeller"with him and the little one! "OLE YELLER" hurls!! It was just as bad this time as the other 7 million times I watched it every freaking Sunday night of my life growing up!!!
So today is Wednesday, he says that he is doing yard work. What he is doing I have no clue. Looks like he has about $200 worth of chemicals to throw out on the yard. We really don't have grass, in the back. It's all weeds, and overgrowth. Our front yard is about the size of my ass, and it looks fine to me. I am sure that this "yard work" (or using the riding mower with his toy hooked to the back to throw out the fertilizer) will take all day, therefore I will need to cook dinner.
It's be nice if he helped with house work, but he has no freaking idea where we even keep the vacuum cleaner, or the mop (even though he passes by it EVERY time he goes out into the garage to worship his mower!)
Do I sound a little bitter? A little jealous that he's on vacation and I'm not? Maybe I need to be medicated.. Or euthanized? Maybe I'm getting my period? Yep, that must be it.
My sister-in-law (married to my brother) was recently telling me how she gets prescription drugs from her doctor. She said to just say to the doctor, "I want to saw my husband's head off, do you have anything to stop that?" Yea, maybe I need to talk to the doctor.. haha
Seriously, I do love my husband and I am the reason he is so aggravating. I think that I marry a man and then set about making him helpless the minute I say, "I do!" so it's all my own fault.
And I wouldn't change anything about him for the world!!
Monday, May 09, 2005
Ice Cream Headache...
Sometimes, you just play like you're rich!! So this morning to celebrate that my co-worker's back from vacation (yep, I live for the little moments..) I went down stairs to our "Psuedo Starbuck's" and got me a strawberry smoothie for an amzing $3 dollas. *Yep, I said Dollas on purpose, so bite me, already you spell checker nazis.)
So anywho, I have been sucking on this silly thing like a porn queen, and I can't get the darn thing up thru the straw. Damn, I really wanted a ice cream headache. (Strange I know. but I like that feeling.) I can't stir that stupid thing, because it's so thick the straw just wobbles around, and bends. DARNIT, DANGIT!!!
This silly thing cost me a arm and a leg, and now I have to sit here and watch it melt before I can even drink it!!! I COST ME $3 WHOLE DOLLAS, I WANT TO DRINK IT NOW!!!! If you get what you pay forn, then I should've gotten a massage with this silly thing..
Man, I should have had some coffee this morning........
So anywho, I have been sucking on this silly thing like a porn queen, and I can't get the darn thing up thru the straw. Damn, I really wanted a ice cream headache. (Strange I know. but I like that feeling.) I can't stir that stupid thing, because it's so thick the straw just wobbles around, and bends. DARNIT, DANGIT!!!
This silly thing cost me a arm and a leg, and now I have to sit here and watch it melt before I can even drink it!!! I COST ME $3 WHOLE DOLLAS, I WANT TO DRINK IT NOW!!!! If you get what you pay forn, then I should've gotten a massage with this silly thing..
Man, I should have had some coffee this morning........
Friday, May 06, 2005
Welcome to Mother's Day!!
So this weekend is Mother's Day, and like all good redneck moms. I will be taking the kids to the annual MOTHERS DAY AT 6 FLAGS weekend. Yippie..
I actually dread it and look forward to it all at the same time.. I look forward to having the family together, going with the neighbors and hanging out, enjoying their sweet little kids, riding the rides, not waiting in long lines, and the beautiful weather.
But, I really dread, having to get up early on the one day that I could have pulled the "sleeping real late" excuse, packing the cooler, packing the car-while my darling husband is mysteriously MIA during the packing, organizing extra outfits and shoes-just in case (you never know!) hunting down sunscreen, showing my fat white legs in shorts to half the world, listening to kids whining about walking, being tired, being hot, being thirsty, being too short to ride certain riders, too scared to ride other rides, etc..
But then when the day is over, and we're back at home all happy and sunburned, I think, "What a great day, I can't wait til next year.."
On an other note... I took the girls to Target last night to pick out some cards and whatnot, and the little one saw my boy manning the cash register (He's so HANDSOME in the red shirt and khakis!!) she was thrilled to death!! So she stood behind him at his register and made silly faces while he tried to look all "hey I'm cool and business like". Instead of thumping her on the head or threatening her with razzberry boogers, he started talking to her. They talked about what they got me for Mother's Day.
A little while later she comes running over to me saying, "Na na na na, I know what he got you for Mother's Day, and I ain't telling."
So like any good mother, I told her that I would beat it out of her later. She was just so thrilled that big brother acknowledged her in public and was actually nice and cool to her.
I was so thrilled also. . . I live for moments when my kids show each other love.
I actually dread it and look forward to it all at the same time.. I look forward to having the family together, going with the neighbors and hanging out, enjoying their sweet little kids, riding the rides, not waiting in long lines, and the beautiful weather.
But, I really dread, having to get up early on the one day that I could have pulled the "sleeping real late" excuse, packing the cooler, packing the car-while my darling husband is mysteriously MIA during the packing, organizing extra outfits and shoes-just in case (you never know!) hunting down sunscreen, showing my fat white legs in shorts to half the world, listening to kids whining about walking, being tired, being hot, being thirsty, being too short to ride certain riders, too scared to ride other rides, etc..
But then when the day is over, and we're back at home all happy and sunburned, I think, "What a great day, I can't wait til next year.."
On an other note... I took the girls to Target last night to pick out some cards and whatnot, and the little one saw my boy manning the cash register (He's so HANDSOME in the red shirt and khakis!!) she was thrilled to death!! So she stood behind him at his register and made silly faces while he tried to look all "hey I'm cool and business like". Instead of thumping her on the head or threatening her with razzberry boogers, he started talking to her. They talked about what they got me for Mother's Day.
A little while later she comes running over to me saying, "Na na na na, I know what he got you for Mother's Day, and I ain't telling."
So like any good mother, I told her that I would beat it out of her later. She was just so thrilled that big brother acknowledged her in public and was actually nice and cool to her.
I was so thrilled also. . . I live for moments when my kids show each other love.
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Baby come back, you can blame it all on me!!!
I was wrong... and I just can't live without you!!
I miss the 80's so badly.
Where else can you....
proudly wear leggings!
wear a old holey T-shirt and look like a Flash Dancer.
get your hair permed until it's absolutely fried and say, "I meant it to turn out that way!"
wear jeans that are so tight, you have to lay down on the bed, and use a fork to zip them up.
wear a pair of jeans from K-Mart that has a Willie Nelson slogan on that back pocket.
give a guy a hickey and not be accused of being a slut.
wear really dark blue eye shadow and not be accused of being a crack ho.
wear a mullet proudly.
sport a rat tail.
smoke a cig...ANY WHERE you want!!
wear a huge belt and cowboy boots and not look like a Texan
wear huge shoulder pads (SOO slimming!)
wear lots of ruffles
rock out to heavy metal bands without shame!
ahhh the good old days....
I miss the 80's so badly.
Where else can you....
proudly wear leggings!
wear a old holey T-shirt and look like a Flash Dancer.
get your hair permed until it's absolutely fried and say, "I meant it to turn out that way!"
wear jeans that are so tight, you have to lay down on the bed, and use a fork to zip them up.
wear a pair of jeans from K-Mart that has a Willie Nelson slogan on that back pocket.
give a guy a hickey and not be accused of being a slut.
wear really dark blue eye shadow and not be accused of being a crack ho.
wear a mullet proudly.
sport a rat tail.
smoke a cig...ANY WHERE you want!!
wear a huge belt and cowboy boots and not look like a Texan
wear huge shoulder pads (SOO slimming!)
wear lots of ruffles
rock out to heavy metal bands without shame!
ahhh the good old days....
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Some people really suck!
So I see my neighbor out pushing a stroller the other day. Since she doesn't have a kid small enough to fit in the stroller, AND i know that's she's been looking to foster-to-adopt a kid, (and I think maybe she might have kidnapped a kid - and there's a reward for me to find it..) I go out and do the neighborly and nosey thing. I go out and - check out the new baby!!
So we are out in the cul-de-sac, and she has the cutest little kid out there, laying in the stroller. Sure enough, she's fostering the little dollbaby. The baby is only 3 months old, and is laying out in the stroller just being a perfect little angel.
Then she whips back the blanket to reveal that cutey-pie is sporting a body cast from his upper chest to his toes!. So being the clueless one that I am, I say, "What's up with that, is it pigeon-toed, got bow-legs?"
"No", she says, "he actually has 3 broken bones in his legs."
Seems he was dropped off at the hospital with this injury and another injury that happens when you slap a baby really hard in the face. When the hospital started asking questions, the people who brought her/him to the hospital simply faded away.
How is it that this happens!! I find it awful that we dedicate so much news time to some ditz who runs away from home 4 days before her wedding, but we have little babies in this same city who are being abused to the edge of death, and we never hear about it? I am sure that is this poor baby had dies from the injuries, we might have heard a 30 second news blurp on what happened, or read about it on page 14 of the news paper! But crap! let the kid grow up and run off to Vegas for the weekend and WHOA STOP THE PRESSES!!
Amazing! In this last year, I have seen a baby born so addicted to herion, that it was on methadone every 2 hours for months, while the stupid mother claimed it was only gas. I met a toddler that was "seized" during a drug bust, that baby later tested positive for drugs. I know a kid who almost died of starvation while his mom hung out at the Waffle House trying to turn tricks so that she could get a hotel room to get her child out of the winter weather.
Did we read about any of this on the news? No we didn't. We were too busy with the "Runaway Bride"!
So we are out in the cul-de-sac, and she has the cutest little kid out there, laying in the stroller. Sure enough, she's fostering the little dollbaby. The baby is only 3 months old, and is laying out in the stroller just being a perfect little angel.
Then she whips back the blanket to reveal that cutey-pie is sporting a body cast from his upper chest to his toes!. So being the clueless one that I am, I say, "What's up with that, is it pigeon-toed, got bow-legs?"
"No", she says, "he actually has 3 broken bones in his legs."
Seems he was dropped off at the hospital with this injury and another injury that happens when you slap a baby really hard in the face. When the hospital started asking questions, the people who brought her/him to the hospital simply faded away.
How is it that this happens!! I find it awful that we dedicate so much news time to some ditz who runs away from home 4 days before her wedding, but we have little babies in this same city who are being abused to the edge of death, and we never hear about it? I am sure that is this poor baby had dies from the injuries, we might have heard a 30 second news blurp on what happened, or read about it on page 14 of the news paper! But crap! let the kid grow up and run off to Vegas for the weekend and WHOA STOP THE PRESSES!!
Amazing! In this last year, I have seen a baby born so addicted to herion, that it was on methadone every 2 hours for months, while the stupid mother claimed it was only gas. I met a toddler that was "seized" during a drug bust, that baby later tested positive for drugs. I know a kid who almost died of starvation while his mom hung out at the Waffle House trying to turn tricks so that she could get a hotel room to get her child out of the winter weather.
Did we read about any of this on the news? No we didn't. We were too busy with the "Runaway Bride"!
Friday, April 29, 2005
Isn't it ironic....don't ya think?
Isn't it ironic - that since our Oil Rich Texan president (that I voted for) has been in office, that gas prices have risen by 50% ??
Isn't it ironic - that the price of eggs has not?
Isn't it ironic - that we're always on a damn diet, and America is fatter than ever?
Isn't it ironic - that some poor girl in Atlanta disappears 4 days before her wedding AND 600 people have RSVP'd? (Honey - I hope they find you safe and sound somewhere.)
Isn't it ironic - That a highschool in Boston is censoring music at an upcoming prom, but no one is addressing the fact that probably half the girls will show up at the prom dressed like porn stars?
Isn't it ironic - that Brad Pitt dumped Gwynth for "earthy girl" Jenn, then dumped Jenn for "nasty girl" Angelina? What's next Brad? Roseanne?
Isn't it ironic - that people in Clayton county GA are flipping out because some poor girl got murdered at a birthday party and are blaming it on school violence? (Don't ya think it might have been something to do with the fact that there were 250 un-supervised teenagers at the party - which was held at someone's home?)
Isn't it ironic - that it's Friday and because I work, I have 2 days worth of laundry, housecleaning and grocery shopping to get done?
Isn't it ironic??
Isn't it ironic - that the price of eggs has not?
Isn't it ironic - that we're always on a damn diet, and America is fatter than ever?
Isn't it ironic - that some poor girl in Atlanta disappears 4 days before her wedding AND 600 people have RSVP'd? (Honey - I hope they find you safe and sound somewhere.)
Isn't it ironic - That a highschool in Boston is censoring music at an upcoming prom, but no one is addressing the fact that probably half the girls will show up at the prom dressed like porn stars?
Isn't it ironic - that Brad Pitt dumped Gwynth for "earthy girl" Jenn, then dumped Jenn for "nasty girl" Angelina? What's next Brad? Roseanne?
Isn't it ironic - that people in Clayton county GA are flipping out because some poor girl got murdered at a birthday party and are blaming it on school violence? (Don't ya think it might have been something to do with the fact that there were 250 un-supervised teenagers at the party - which was held at someone's home?)
Isn't it ironic - that it's Friday and because I work, I have 2 days worth of laundry, housecleaning and grocery shopping to get done?
Isn't it ironic??
Tuesday, April 26, 2005
Kids,,,
So my little one (brilliant 8 yr old) is getting dressed for school as I am running out the door to work. I ask her what shirt she picked out. She says, "I'mm wearing the Iceland t-shirt."
I kinda pause and wonder, "Where did she get a t-shirt from Iceland"?
So I said, "You mean the Artic Bunny t-shirt"?
Her: "No the Iceland t-shirt".
Hmm.. I wonder. "Let me see it please."
"Oh the Island t-shirt"!!! "The S is silent in the Island, huneybuney"!!
That's my girl!!
I kinda pause and wonder, "Where did she get a t-shirt from Iceland"?
So I said, "You mean the Artic Bunny t-shirt"?
Her: "No the Iceland t-shirt".
Hmm.. I wonder. "Let me see it please."
"Oh the Island t-shirt"!!! "The S is silent in the Island, huneybuney"!!
That's my girl!!
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Charity Auction!! Today Only!
Today only, I'll be holding a charity auction to support a cause near and dear to my heart. It's the fight against cellulite. Ok, so it's really not that near my heart, but I, like billions of sufferers, across the earth have been afflicted with this terrible disease.
So here's a list of the items that I will be auctioning off today to support this honorable cause. The auction will be for today only, and all bids start at $1. The highest bidder at the end of the day, will be announced and will IMMEDIATELY recieve their spectacular prizes!
1.) A Christmas Card signed by Elves! - So, you say " You Ain't Nuthin but a Hound Dog", but you'd like to be a "Hunka Hunka Burnin Love"! Then this is the the MUST HAVE card for you!! Yes folks, it's the genuine article!! A Christmas card signed by Elves! So what if it's spelled with an e and not an i, just wave it around quickly in front of your friends faces and then lock it in a drawer. They'll never SEE the difference!! Stand back and watch as they swoon with envy!!
2.) A Picture of Buddha!! - OK, it's really a picture of my husband, but lots of people say he looks exactly like Buddha. Having this picture prominently displayed in your work space or home is sure to bring years good luck and great fortune. (I 'm also willing to throw in genuine article to the highest bidder, for an additional $100. If you are constantly pestered by that friend/co-worker/ significant other who seems to ALWAYS be your in way, then "The Buddha" is just the thing for you!!! Watch as he magically disappears at the 1st sign of housework, yardwork or cranky children!! Be AMAZED to see him VAPORIZE into thin air upon hearing phrases such as, "Does this outfit make me look fat?", "Let's Cuddle." and "Can you help me carry in the groceries?"!!!!! But don't worry, when you're ready for your new best friend/co-worker/significant other to re-appear, all you have to say is, "Dinner's on the table!", "I didn't know the Dolphins were playing today?", or "Oh, is that the last Twinkie?" and he'll re-appear in a FLASH!!
3.) Advertising Space on My Right Palm. - Yep, you heard it right folks!! Actually advertising space on my entire right palm until the ink wears off. I promise to prominently display your ad to anyone who walks up to me, through out the entire day!! AND, I'll keep your ad on my palm til I wash my hands or the ink wears off!!! (ad must be in good taste AND you must supply your own Sharpie to write on my palm)
4.) Paper Papal Pope Hat! (say that really fast 3 times!) - Must see to believe!!! Be the 1st (and only) one in your neighborhood to wear a hat just like the Pope's!! With this hat, all your friends, and enemies are sure to stop you to kiss your hand, AND ask for your blessings and forgiveness all throughout the entire day!! You're sure to grab attention around the office with the marvelous hat!
5.) And lastly!! THIS IS A GROUND FLOOR OPPORTUNITY!!!! So, get it while you can!! It's my Daughter's STRAIGHT A REPORT CARD!!! Imagine the possibilities!! Even though she's only 8, I'm certainly convinced that with grades like these, my little princess is destined to become the FIRST FEMALE PRESIDENT OF THE U.S.!!! Move over Condolezza, my baby's got it in the bag!! Just think, you can buy this report card for small change, yet it could be worth millions in about 50 years from now!!!! OR proudly display this report card at your next family gathering, and watch as your relatives hang their heads in shame,(and caste withering looks at their own useless kids!) as you regal and entertain them with the "Amazing Adventures of your Perfect Imaginary Child!!! All this without the expense and hassle of a wedding and childbirth!!!
Remember this supports a good cause and all proceeds will go toward the purchase of lo-carb snacks for over-nourished people!!
So bid often and bid high, if you want to win!
So here's a list of the items that I will be auctioning off today to support this honorable cause. The auction will be for today only, and all bids start at $1. The highest bidder at the end of the day, will be announced and will IMMEDIATELY recieve their spectacular prizes!
1.) A Christmas Card signed by Elves! - So, you say " You Ain't Nuthin but a Hound Dog", but you'd like to be a "Hunka Hunka Burnin Love"! Then this is the the MUST HAVE card for you!! Yes folks, it's the genuine article!! A Christmas card signed by Elves! So what if it's spelled with an e and not an i, just wave it around quickly in front of your friends faces and then lock it in a drawer. They'll never SEE the difference!! Stand back and watch as they swoon with envy!!
2.) A Picture of Buddha!! - OK, it's really a picture of my husband, but lots of people say he looks exactly like Buddha. Having this picture prominently displayed in your work space or home is sure to bring years good luck and great fortune. (I 'm also willing to throw in genuine article to the highest bidder, for an additional $100. If you are constantly pestered by that friend/co-worker/ significant other who seems to ALWAYS be your in way, then "The Buddha" is just the thing for you!!! Watch as he magically disappears at the 1st sign of housework, yardwork or cranky children!! Be AMAZED to see him VAPORIZE into thin air upon hearing phrases such as, "Does this outfit make me look fat?", "Let's Cuddle." and "Can you help me carry in the groceries?"!!!!! But don't worry, when you're ready for your new best friend/co-worker/significant other to re-appear, all you have to say is, "Dinner's on the table!", "I didn't know the Dolphins were playing today?", or "Oh, is that the last Twinkie?" and he'll re-appear in a FLASH!!
3.) Advertising Space on My Right Palm. - Yep, you heard it right folks!! Actually advertising space on my entire right palm until the ink wears off. I promise to prominently display your ad to anyone who walks up to me, through out the entire day!! AND, I'll keep your ad on my palm til I wash my hands or the ink wears off!!! (ad must be in good taste AND you must supply your own Sharpie to write on my palm)
4.) Paper Papal Pope Hat! (say that really fast 3 times!) - Must see to believe!!! Be the 1st (and only) one in your neighborhood to wear a hat just like the Pope's!! With this hat, all your friends, and enemies are sure to stop you to kiss your hand, AND ask for your blessings and forgiveness all throughout the entire day!! You're sure to grab attention around the office with the marvelous hat!
5.) And lastly!! THIS IS A GROUND FLOOR OPPORTUNITY!!!! So, get it while you can!! It's my Daughter's STRAIGHT A REPORT CARD!!! Imagine the possibilities!! Even though she's only 8, I'm certainly convinced that with grades like these, my little princess is destined to become the FIRST FEMALE PRESIDENT OF THE U.S.!!! Move over Condolezza, my baby's got it in the bag!! Just think, you can buy this report card for small change, yet it could be worth millions in about 50 years from now!!!! OR proudly display this report card at your next family gathering, and watch as your relatives hang their heads in shame,(and caste withering looks at their own useless kids!) as you regal and entertain them with the "Amazing Adventures of your Perfect Imaginary Child!!! All this without the expense and hassle of a wedding and childbirth!!!
Remember this supports a good cause and all proceeds will go toward the purchase of lo-carb snacks for over-nourished people!!
So bid often and bid high, if you want to win!
Monday, April 18, 2005
Yard Work... definitely not for sissies.
My huney is both brilliant and terribly lazy. We have lived in our house for almost 4 years now and I have noticed that every year, the yard just tends to get smaller and smaller.
How does this happen? Glad you asked. See the back part of our lot is wooded. So is one side. The side that we share with our favorite neighbors. They are probably our favorite neighbors because we have a tropical rain forest growing between our houses.
So, every year instead of mowing up close to the woods and rainforest, my darling husband just "forgets" to mow the 3 ft closest to these areas. Thus, our yard is 9 to 12 ft smaller than when we first moved in. Now I was suspious about this, but when I decided to plant a little garden near the woods area, it soon became apparent that my husband was up to an evil plan...
I planted my garden about 6 feet from the woods, about 2 weeks before mowing season started this year. So a couple of weeks later, my huuney goes out and mows the yard, and "Viola", he doesn't mow behind the garden! So now our woods just ate 6 more feet of the yard! I asked him about this and he said." I can't get the lawn mower back there. So just to prove my point, "I go out and weedeat the back 12. (feet closet to the woods and rainforest) and I ask him again, (this time in front of our neighbor, all of us standing by the windows overlooking the woods.) "Why can't you mow behind the garden?"
"I can't get back there." This sends my neighbor into a fit of "soda thru your nose" giggles. (Me too!) And we start commenting on all the things that we can fit thru the space between the garden and woods. A Jeep, A transfer truck, a marching band, a third world country...
So we'll just have to see, what all he mows next time.
Later that day, I decide to tackle the rainforest between the houses. The rainforest is known as "No Man's Land" in our cul de sac. It was designed and installed by some blind, drunk, hack from county services before we moved in. No Man's Land is situated on a down hill slope from the cul de sac and is suppose to serve as a place for rainwater to run off from the cul de sac. There is even a very impressive manhole and drain at the top of the hill in the cul de sac. This is the only impressive part. When you walk down the slope you will see that that drain ends about half way down our properties and the drain empties out into a rock pile , then No Man's Land, which consists of overgrown brush, trees and awful amounts of briars. The neigborhood kids have lost many a ball down the drain, and into No Man's Land. Every once in a while, you'll see a kid down there screaming his lungs out, because he made the fatal mistake of going after a basketball and has become entangled in the briars. I personally have battle No Man's Land many atime to save my little darling's life...
So anyway, seeing that my industrious huney was never going to get around to trimming back No Man's Land, and thinking that we have about a billion dollars worth of basketballs down there, I decided to tackle the mess myself. My tools of destruction were the weedeater, a hedgetrimmer and a dry wall saw. After 3 hours time, I managed to clear a path about 12 feet wide and 10 feet long. I found a red ball, a wiffle ball, a football, and the neighbors secret dirt bike trail. I piled all the brush in a heap at the edge of the yard and had a pile of brush about the size of our guest bedroom. I was quite proud of myself.
I found 2 Mimosa trees in the mess, and decided that I would keep the mimosas in the ground, because they are just about my favorite tree. The only trouble was that, I had this ugly old witchy looking tree that looked about petrified, growing practically on top of one of my Mimosa's.
So I spent about a half an hour trying to saw that crazy tree down with my dry wall saw. I had already sawed about a dozen trees down, so I know that this tree was definitely on some kind of tree steriods.
Finally the next day, the neighbor had to come over with his chain saw and saw that sucker down. His chain saw barely would cut it, and the poor neighbor was just a sweating, and a cussin up a storm. It took about 15 minutes to saw it down. I was so happy!!!
Later that day I began to clear the back part of No Man's Land. This was the worst ordeal of my live. I would rather have my arms and legs chewed off by rats than have to do this again. The back part was just full briars. As I cleared it off, I had to wonder about the first suckers who came to America, and what they thought about the briars as they were trying to clear thier lands, way back when.
Now the briars in No Man's Land are also on steriods. Most of them are more than 9 feet high, and grow on a single stalk. So the briars are basically shaped like a whip, and have the same flex (Not that I'm a expert on whips, mind you!) The only way to cut down the briars were to saw thru them with the drywall saw. I was wearing shorts, big mistake! I had gardening gloves that I paid a dollar for from Target, even bigger mistake!! Every inch of the stalk had briars all over it, so when you are sawing thru the briar it's cutting your hand like a slice of bologna. Once the briar stalk is sawed thru, then you have to pull it from the rest of the man eating plants that are intertwined in the briars. Once the briar stalk is frre, it whips around and inbeds its selve into various parts of your body. Like the back of your leg, your arm, the front of your leg, etc...etc..
So now, I look like I have been in a fight with a bag full of mad cats. After 3 hours of torture, and 1 basketball, 1 soccer ball and a orange hand ball, I finally gave up working in the yard because I was dripping blood from my wounds and attracting flies.
As in the words of our dear Scarlett, "As God is my witness!" "I will conquer No Man's Land!!! Maybe next weekend. So, do me a favor, if I never blog on here again,. would you kindly send a search party out to No Man's Land. Maybe you can even get National Geographic to sponser the trip.......It's that bad!!
How does this happen? Glad you asked. See the back part of our lot is wooded. So is one side. The side that we share with our favorite neighbors. They are probably our favorite neighbors because we have a tropical rain forest growing between our houses.
So, every year instead of mowing up close to the woods and rainforest, my darling husband just "forgets" to mow the 3 ft closest to these areas. Thus, our yard is 9 to 12 ft smaller than when we first moved in. Now I was suspious about this, but when I decided to plant a little garden near the woods area, it soon became apparent that my husband was up to an evil plan...
I planted my garden about 6 feet from the woods, about 2 weeks before mowing season started this year. So a couple of weeks later, my huuney goes out and mows the yard, and "Viola", he doesn't mow behind the garden! So now our woods just ate 6 more feet of the yard! I asked him about this and he said." I can't get the lawn mower back there. So just to prove my point, "I go out and weedeat the back 12. (feet closet to the woods and rainforest) and I ask him again, (this time in front of our neighbor, all of us standing by the windows overlooking the woods.) "Why can't you mow behind the garden?"
"I can't get back there." This sends my neighbor into a fit of "soda thru your nose" giggles. (Me too!) And we start commenting on all the things that we can fit thru the space between the garden and woods. A Jeep, A transfer truck, a marching band, a third world country...
So we'll just have to see, what all he mows next time.
Later that day, I decide to tackle the rainforest between the houses. The rainforest is known as "No Man's Land" in our cul de sac. It was designed and installed by some blind, drunk, hack from county services before we moved in. No Man's Land is situated on a down hill slope from the cul de sac and is suppose to serve as a place for rainwater to run off from the cul de sac. There is even a very impressive manhole and drain at the top of the hill in the cul de sac. This is the only impressive part. When you walk down the slope you will see that that drain ends about half way down our properties and the drain empties out into a rock pile , then No Man's Land, which consists of overgrown brush, trees and awful amounts of briars. The neigborhood kids have lost many a ball down the drain, and into No Man's Land. Every once in a while, you'll see a kid down there screaming his lungs out, because he made the fatal mistake of going after a basketball and has become entangled in the briars. I personally have battle No Man's Land many atime to save my little darling's life...
So anyway, seeing that my industrious huney was never going to get around to trimming back No Man's Land, and thinking that we have about a billion dollars worth of basketballs down there, I decided to tackle the mess myself. My tools of destruction were the weedeater, a hedgetrimmer and a dry wall saw. After 3 hours time, I managed to clear a path about 12 feet wide and 10 feet long. I found a red ball, a wiffle ball, a football, and the neighbors secret dirt bike trail. I piled all the brush in a heap at the edge of the yard and had a pile of brush about the size of our guest bedroom. I was quite proud of myself.
I found 2 Mimosa trees in the mess, and decided that I would keep the mimosas in the ground, because they are just about my favorite tree. The only trouble was that, I had this ugly old witchy looking tree that looked about petrified, growing practically on top of one of my Mimosa's.
So I spent about a half an hour trying to saw that crazy tree down with my dry wall saw. I had already sawed about a dozen trees down, so I know that this tree was definitely on some kind of tree steriods.
Finally the next day, the neighbor had to come over with his chain saw and saw that sucker down. His chain saw barely would cut it, and the poor neighbor was just a sweating, and a cussin up a storm. It took about 15 minutes to saw it down. I was so happy!!!
Later that day I began to clear the back part of No Man's Land. This was the worst ordeal of my live. I would rather have my arms and legs chewed off by rats than have to do this again. The back part was just full briars. As I cleared it off, I had to wonder about the first suckers who came to America, and what they thought about the briars as they were trying to clear thier lands, way back when.
Now the briars in No Man's Land are also on steriods. Most of them are more than 9 feet high, and grow on a single stalk. So the briars are basically shaped like a whip, and have the same flex (Not that I'm a expert on whips, mind you!) The only way to cut down the briars were to saw thru them with the drywall saw. I was wearing shorts, big mistake! I had gardening gloves that I paid a dollar for from Target, even bigger mistake!! Every inch of the stalk had briars all over it, so when you are sawing thru the briar it's cutting your hand like a slice of bologna. Once the briar stalk is sawed thru, then you have to pull it from the rest of the man eating plants that are intertwined in the briars. Once the briar stalk is frre, it whips around and inbeds its selve into various parts of your body. Like the back of your leg, your arm, the front of your leg, etc...etc..
So now, I look like I have been in a fight with a bag full of mad cats. After 3 hours of torture, and 1 basketball, 1 soccer ball and a orange hand ball, I finally gave up working in the yard because I was dripping blood from my wounds and attracting flies.
As in the words of our dear Scarlett, "As God is my witness!" "I will conquer No Man's Land!!! Maybe next weekend. So, do me a favor, if I never blog on here again,. would you kindly send a search party out to No Man's Land. Maybe you can even get National Geographic to sponser the trip.......It's that bad!!
Friday, April 01, 2005
The Notebook / A Movie Review
So the movie "The Notebook" is now on DVD. I have heard about this movie since last summer. "Oh, it's the best movie ever!" "I cried my eyes out!" "I saw it 5 times" all these comments were made by young twenty something females.
OK, so I rent the movie and sat down to watch it while the little darlings were at church. I saw about an hour of it, and had to turn it off to go pick up the chillens. So when I got them back home, I asked them if they'd like to also see this movie. They assume that anything on DVD is the best movie ever, so ofcourse they agreed to watch it with me.
I really liked the first hour of the movie. Guy meets Girl. Guy is instantly smitten by Girl. Girl then falls in love with Guy. Life/Parents/Money come between Guy and Girl. So I am watching with the kids, we ain't saying much about what's going on til the sex scene starts up. This is the time when I say the standard, "Sex outside of marriage is BAD!" and "Close your eyes, I'll tell you when you can open them." (Then I usually forgot to tell them to open them, just for meaness.)
Now, I am not going to give away the ending, except to say that even though this is suppose to be some kind of shocker when the story all comes together at the end, I had it all figured out about 30 minutes into the movie. The ending is suppose to be so "touching" that water will pour out of your eyes, until you are knee deep in tears. This didn't happen for me...
Both my daughter and niece (both in their early twenties and both never "seriously" in a relationship, but typical Harlenquin Romance Girls.) just went on and on about that a tear jerker this movie is, and how wonderful it was. When the movie goes off, I look over at the 15 and 16 year olds, and ask them what they thought. They both thought the movie was pretty lame, just like I did.
Now I am worried that they both are either jaded or don't have hearts. (Like me, but I am excused because I am a old lady, and I've seen all, so I am immune!)
I guess time will tell with those two...but in the meantime, I am glad to know that there not saps.
OK, so I rent the movie and sat down to watch it while the little darlings were at church. I saw about an hour of it, and had to turn it off to go pick up the chillens. So when I got them back home, I asked them if they'd like to also see this movie. They assume that anything on DVD is the best movie ever, so ofcourse they agreed to watch it with me.
I really liked the first hour of the movie. Guy meets Girl. Guy is instantly smitten by Girl. Girl then falls in love with Guy. Life/Parents/Money come between Guy and Girl. So I am watching with the kids, we ain't saying much about what's going on til the sex scene starts up. This is the time when I say the standard, "Sex outside of marriage is BAD!" and "Close your eyes, I'll tell you when you can open them." (Then I usually forgot to tell them to open them, just for meaness.)
Now, I am not going to give away the ending, except to say that even though this is suppose to be some kind of shocker when the story all comes together at the end, I had it all figured out about 30 minutes into the movie. The ending is suppose to be so "touching" that water will pour out of your eyes, until you are knee deep in tears. This didn't happen for me...
Both my daughter and niece (both in their early twenties and both never "seriously" in a relationship, but typical Harlenquin Romance Girls.) just went on and on about that a tear jerker this movie is, and how wonderful it was. When the movie goes off, I look over at the 15 and 16 year olds, and ask them what they thought. They both thought the movie was pretty lame, just like I did.
Now I am worried that they both are either jaded or don't have hearts. (Like me, but I am excused because I am a old lady, and I've seen all, so I am immune!)
I guess time will tell with those two...but in the meantime, I am glad to know that there not saps.
Thursday, March 31, 2005
Terri Shiavo and The Pope
I gotta weigh in on this one. (Not that my opinions are worth a plug nickle!) One the one hand, we have a poor middle-aged bedridden person, who can't speak her mind on what she wants, and is being starved to death. On the other hand, we have a man who is older than dirt, and somewhat aware, being forcefeed by a feeding tube.
WHAT IS UP WITH THAT??!!
I wonder is anyone had a conversation with the Pope before he got the hook up? "Hey, you're looking a little thin, and we need you back at work...?"
Seriously though, since learning of both these news worthy stories, I've been flip flopping back and forth, with the "what would I do, if it were me " issue.
I have to ask the question, why is the Pope worthy of a feeding tube, but not Terri S? He's obviously suffering, she obviously isn't (or wasn't before they pulled the plug!) From the looks of things, they've both been practically vegetables for years. Sure, the Pope can hold his head up by himself, but did you ever notice, they HE can't even operate his own electric chair? Have you ever REALLY seen him move anything lately?
If it were my loved one, what would I do? Well, I guess I'd have to say that it would depend on where I fall in the family chain.
If the Pope was my Dad, or Granddad (all you Catholics would be terribly upset and shocked!) I think that I would try to get his opinion on what he wanted to do. (I seriously doubt that anyone has asked his opinion on this matter!) Then, I'd carry out his wishes. NOW, if I were his Mom, (no, not that Mom, the biological mom!) I'd stick that feeding tube in, and fill it up with steaks, and shakes til he fattened up like a little piglet, whether he wanted it or not!
Now about Terri Shiavo. If I were her husband, I'd ofcourse want to follow her wishes. BUT, if I were her mom, I'd once again, keep that tube in, feed her steaks,shakes and chocolate (cause everyone knows that we women LOVE our chocolates!) til she just about popped, not caring one little bit what she thought her wishes would have been, because everyone knows that Mother knows Best!
So that's the truth, I think that everyone's right. I think that the Pope is being tortured, by being forcefed, but who am I to say what's right for him. I think that Terri Schiave is being starved and tortured, but I am not her parent's or husband. I just wonder why her life is valued so differently than the Pope's. I think that when all is said and done, that she will have made just as a big an impact on so many people as the Pope has.
I think that it's stupid that she and her husband didn't not have a living will. But heck, I know completely what me husband's wishes are if he is ever in that condition, and WE don't have living wills drawn up! (Guess, we're stupid too.) I also know that if something happens to him, that his mom would do eveything in her power to keep him alive, while I would do everything in MY power to help him die, because he told me that was what he would want. Do you see that vicious circle here?....
And just so you all know, if something happens to me, I lied. I told the honey and kids that I'd want to be kept alive no matter what just to torture them forever. I also told the kids, that the meanest, most useless kid would be designated as my caretaker, so that he or she would have to spend the rest of his or her, and my life with me in a hospital bed, parked in front of the living room picutre window, hooked up to car batteries. Also that I expected my awful little child to keep me fed, dressed cute, and changed regular for pay back for all the awful things that he or she had put me though. Also that my presence would be a constant deterrent to my kid and keep them from having a social life, just like they have kept me from having a social life, due to all the times I have had to go down to the school because they were bad, and all the times that I missed out on fun stuff because I was having to hunt them down to do their homework/clean their room/take a bath/come in for dinnner.
Well like I said, I lied. If I am truly incapitated, kill me. If I am suffering, help me die. Don't let time be my enemy, make it quick. Please don't starve me, because you know I could never starve you. Just be a sweetie, make me a little pudding with enough drugs to stop the heart of an elephant, and I'll be sure to put in a good word for you in heaven..... when I get there.
WHAT IS UP WITH THAT??!!
I wonder is anyone had a conversation with the Pope before he got the hook up? "Hey, you're looking a little thin, and we need you back at work...?"
Seriously though, since learning of both these news worthy stories, I've been flip flopping back and forth, with the "what would I do, if it were me " issue.
I have to ask the question, why is the Pope worthy of a feeding tube, but not Terri S? He's obviously suffering, she obviously isn't (or wasn't before they pulled the plug!) From the looks of things, they've both been practically vegetables for years. Sure, the Pope can hold his head up by himself, but did you ever notice, they HE can't even operate his own electric chair? Have you ever REALLY seen him move anything lately?
If it were my loved one, what would I do? Well, I guess I'd have to say that it would depend on where I fall in the family chain.
If the Pope was my Dad, or Granddad (all you Catholics would be terribly upset and shocked!) I think that I would try to get his opinion on what he wanted to do. (I seriously doubt that anyone has asked his opinion on this matter!) Then, I'd carry out his wishes. NOW, if I were his Mom, (no, not that Mom, the biological mom!) I'd stick that feeding tube in, and fill it up with steaks, and shakes til he fattened up like a little piglet, whether he wanted it or not!
Now about Terri Shiavo. If I were her husband, I'd ofcourse want to follow her wishes. BUT, if I were her mom, I'd once again, keep that tube in, feed her steaks,shakes and chocolate (cause everyone knows that we women LOVE our chocolates!) til she just about popped, not caring one little bit what she thought her wishes would have been, because everyone knows that Mother knows Best!
So that's the truth, I think that everyone's right. I think that the Pope is being tortured, by being forcefed, but who am I to say what's right for him. I think that Terri Schiave is being starved and tortured, but I am not her parent's or husband. I just wonder why her life is valued so differently than the Pope's. I think that when all is said and done, that she will have made just as a big an impact on so many people as the Pope has.
I think that it's stupid that she and her husband didn't not have a living will. But heck, I know completely what me husband's wishes are if he is ever in that condition, and WE don't have living wills drawn up! (Guess, we're stupid too.) I also know that if something happens to him, that his mom would do eveything in her power to keep him alive, while I would do everything in MY power to help him die, because he told me that was what he would want. Do you see that vicious circle here?....
And just so you all know, if something happens to me, I lied. I told the honey and kids that I'd want to be kept alive no matter what just to torture them forever. I also told the kids, that the meanest, most useless kid would be designated as my caretaker, so that he or she would have to spend the rest of his or her, and my life with me in a hospital bed, parked in front of the living room picutre window, hooked up to car batteries. Also that I expected my awful little child to keep me fed, dressed cute, and changed regular for pay back for all the awful things that he or she had put me though. Also that my presence would be a constant deterrent to my kid and keep them from having a social life, just like they have kept me from having a social life, due to all the times I have had to go down to the school because they were bad, and all the times that I missed out on fun stuff because I was having to hunt them down to do their homework/clean their room/take a bath/come in for dinnner.
Well like I said, I lied. If I am truly incapitated, kill me. If I am suffering, help me die. Don't let time be my enemy, make it quick. Please don't starve me, because you know I could never starve you. Just be a sweetie, make me a little pudding with enough drugs to stop the heart of an elephant, and I'll be sure to put in a good word for you in heaven..... when I get there.
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Spring has sprung, and I can't breathe
Evidently the weather people are over the pollen. I remember years past when the nice weather people on Channel 2 (the best news channel ever.) would talk about pollen season like it was a tornado warning.
"The CDC reports that the pollen count today in at 2000. That's means that if you have allergies you must stay inside. You must not leave your house. If you leave your house or open your window, you will immediately be covered in pollen, and you will die........immediately. But (bright smile here) all the flowers and trees are in bloom and their just gorgeous so try and get out and enjoy this beautiful spring day if you can!"
I always enjoyed "Pollen Season" or Spring as I used to call it, until this year. This year, I just want to die. My sinus cavity feels like the dead sea. Whenever I talk to someone, I can feel the "sea" starting to leak out of my head. If I stand still and stick my fingers in my ears, I can hear the ocean. When I breathe in, (through my mouth ofcourse, the only thing on my head that will now take in oxygen, it feels like I am trying to breath big yellow sponge into my dead sea.
I wish I had invested in stock Pfizer, because I have made them all filthy rich by purchasing every Sudafed tablet every made in 2004 and 2005. CVS recently had a sale on Sudafed, I bought 'em out. Now sure, I could go to the Doctor, but what fun is that? He'd just load me down with medication that has all those, "This medication makes you drowsy." "Don't take this medication with alcohol." and all those other dire warnings that everyone ignores, then wishes that they didn't.
And anyway what would I complain about if I wasn't dying of pollenation?? When I was a kid, my mom told me that pollen makes your boobs grow (She said that about everything.) so I guess I'll just keep suffering and hope for the best!!
"The CDC reports that the pollen count today in at 2000. That's means that if you have allergies you must stay inside. You must not leave your house. If you leave your house or open your window, you will immediately be covered in pollen, and you will die........immediately. But (bright smile here) all the flowers and trees are in bloom and their just gorgeous so try and get out and enjoy this beautiful spring day if you can!"
I always enjoyed "Pollen Season" or Spring as I used to call it, until this year. This year, I just want to die. My sinus cavity feels like the dead sea. Whenever I talk to someone, I can feel the "sea" starting to leak out of my head. If I stand still and stick my fingers in my ears, I can hear the ocean. When I breathe in, (through my mouth ofcourse, the only thing on my head that will now take in oxygen, it feels like I am trying to breath big yellow sponge into my dead sea.
I wish I had invested in stock Pfizer, because I have made them all filthy rich by purchasing every Sudafed tablet every made in 2004 and 2005. CVS recently had a sale on Sudafed, I bought 'em out. Now sure, I could go to the Doctor, but what fun is that? He'd just load me down with medication that has all those, "This medication makes you drowsy." "Don't take this medication with alcohol." and all those other dire warnings that everyone ignores, then wishes that they didn't.
And anyway what would I complain about if I wasn't dying of pollenation?? When I was a kid, my mom told me that pollen makes your boobs grow (She said that about everything.) so I guess I'll just keep suffering and hope for the best!!
Friday, March 25, 2005
Hell just opened a new attraction....
....it's called "The Skating Rink". Yeah, so I went there when I was much much younger, but my o my pudding and pie, how times have changed!
My husband overheard our darlin' 15 yr old neice plotting via the phone to meet a boy at the skating ring. So my adoring honey felt obligated to email me with this info at work. So, being the tricky oldlady that I am, I immediately phoned home, (Yep,she was still on the phone with the little perpertrator) and informed her that I work for the phone company and we can monitor any conversation that we want from my office. (It's true, we probably could if we wanted to, but the goverment won't let us, and I didn't technically say that I was monitoring THAT particular conversation...so I didn't lie) And I asked her what's all this stuff about "meeting up"at the skating ring......Total Dead Silence on her end, then ....."Uh, Uh, Uh, well...." and for some odd strange moment, I said those words that I will forever regret....
"Well, I guess since I can't trust you, I'll have to go to the skating ring with you tonight!" I swear, I must truly have tourettes syndrome!
So I hang up, leave work, and all I can think about all the way home is,"Why!?!?! Why!?!?!
I get home, and then ask the 8 yr old if she would also like to go. Well, duh!! Ofcourse she would! Then somehow, next thing I know, I am inviting along the neighbor's kid. (Which is OK because she has 3 younger brothers, so she is a naturaly babysitter, and keeps my kid entertained for the most part!)
So we all load up and go skating. Whee!! Well, I didn't actually skate, I was just there...Like a knot on a log...watching the paint dry.... like a deer in the headlights...
The minute we walk thru the door, everyone immediately scatters in opposite directions. Since, I only have 2 eyes, with 3 girls to watch, I was at a lose. So I take my big hiney over to the tables and set down. Just when I have my nose good and deep in a book, over comes the younger 2 with their skates... "Whah! We can't get our skates on!" So I unlace, shove feet into stinky skates and then relace for a full 10 minutes. I now know how that poor footman felt in the Cinderella story! (I repeated this exercise 3 more times with them this evening, unlace, shove, relace..)
Once, the skates are on, off they go!! Finally, back to my book. About this time, I see a gaggle of hoodlums of in the corner, and guess who's holding court with 'em? You guessed it! My big girl! Geez, about this time, she sees me looking real "crazy eyed" over at her, and skates over and announces that "It's hot in here!" and whips off her jacket to reveal a tight tight low necked spagetti strap shirt underneath. I tell her to pull up the front so her boobies don't fall out, and off she sails on her skates again. (I really must learn to check outfits before we leave the house!)
At about this time, over comes my 8 year old to whine. Man! Something about the skating rink brings out the worst in that dang kid! "Whah! I can't skate fast, Whah! I fell down, Whah! I'm thirsty, Whah! Whah! Whah! AND did I mention world class tattle tailing!?! Anyway, after about 5 minutes of her, I simply shouted, "Shush!! you!! Be gone!!!"
Back to my fricking book!! Have you ever tried to read a book in the skating rink? With strobe lights, disco balls, loud thumping music and 500 kids bumping into your fricking table even though the little wretches have an aisle as wide as a barn to pass through? I swear, I have no idea why darn kids have to touch everything!! Everytime they passed my table, they'd grab the chair or the fricking table. So I moved off into the corner, in fact I moved 3 times, with the same results at every table...
I finally gave up on the book, and started actually trying to figure out where my girls were. It's amazing how many hiding places there are at the skating rink! Even though it's one huge room! I walked around, lugging my big ole' granny purse, sticking out like a sore thumb, (If you were there, yes I was that old lady wearing the Jesus VBS shirt, toting the big black doctor's bag. When did I get so darn old?) and I'd run across them at the most random spots....setting at a video game (even though they didn't have any money, and there was a line of people waiting to get on the same game), standing in the corner with other people their age, all desperately trying to look cool, and ignore each other, while standing close enough to each other to look like their all friends with each other.
We were at the skating rink for a total of 3 hours tonight, and I think that each one of my girls spend a total of 10 minutes each skating, and it cost 33 bucks for me to get them in. I'd would have had a much better deal, if I'd ditched them all, and took that money to go get my nails done!! Don't you agree!
Well I guess that I'll go nighty night for now, while I dream of skating rinks that still do the Hokey Pokey, sell beer and don't allow kids...
My husband overheard our darlin' 15 yr old neice plotting via the phone to meet a boy at the skating ring. So my adoring honey felt obligated to email me with this info at work. So, being the tricky oldlady that I am, I immediately phoned home, (Yep,she was still on the phone with the little perpertrator) and informed her that I work for the phone company and we can monitor any conversation that we want from my office. (It's true, we probably could if we wanted to, but the goverment won't let us, and I didn't technically say that I was monitoring THAT particular conversation...so I didn't lie) And I asked her what's all this stuff about "meeting up"at the skating ring......Total Dead Silence on her end, then ....."Uh, Uh, Uh, well...." and for some odd strange moment, I said those words that I will forever regret....
"Well, I guess since I can't trust you, I'll have to go to the skating ring with you tonight!" I swear, I must truly have tourettes syndrome!
So I hang up, leave work, and all I can think about all the way home is,"Why!?!?! Why!?!?!
I get home, and then ask the 8 yr old if she would also like to go. Well, duh!! Ofcourse she would! Then somehow, next thing I know, I am inviting along the neighbor's kid. (Which is OK because she has 3 younger brothers, so she is a naturaly babysitter, and keeps my kid entertained for the most part!)
So we all load up and go skating. Whee!! Well, I didn't actually skate, I was just there...Like a knot on a log...watching the paint dry.... like a deer in the headlights...
The minute we walk thru the door, everyone immediately scatters in opposite directions. Since, I only have 2 eyes, with 3 girls to watch, I was at a lose. So I take my big hiney over to the tables and set down. Just when I have my nose good and deep in a book, over comes the younger 2 with their skates... "Whah! We can't get our skates on!" So I unlace, shove feet into stinky skates and then relace for a full 10 minutes. I now know how that poor footman felt in the Cinderella story! (I repeated this exercise 3 more times with them this evening, unlace, shove, relace..)
Once, the skates are on, off they go!! Finally, back to my book. About this time, I see a gaggle of hoodlums of in the corner, and guess who's holding court with 'em? You guessed it! My big girl! Geez, about this time, she sees me looking real "crazy eyed" over at her, and skates over and announces that "It's hot in here!" and whips off her jacket to reveal a tight tight low necked spagetti strap shirt underneath. I tell her to pull up the front so her boobies don't fall out, and off she sails on her skates again. (I really must learn to check outfits before we leave the house!)
At about this time, over comes my 8 year old to whine. Man! Something about the skating rink brings out the worst in that dang kid! "Whah! I can't skate fast, Whah! I fell down, Whah! I'm thirsty, Whah! Whah! Whah! AND did I mention world class tattle tailing!?! Anyway, after about 5 minutes of her, I simply shouted, "Shush!! you!! Be gone!!!"
Back to my fricking book!! Have you ever tried to read a book in the skating rink? With strobe lights, disco balls, loud thumping music and 500 kids bumping into your fricking table even though the little wretches have an aisle as wide as a barn to pass through? I swear, I have no idea why darn kids have to touch everything!! Everytime they passed my table, they'd grab the chair or the fricking table. So I moved off into the corner, in fact I moved 3 times, with the same results at every table...
I finally gave up on the book, and started actually trying to figure out where my girls were. It's amazing how many hiding places there are at the skating rink! Even though it's one huge room! I walked around, lugging my big ole' granny purse, sticking out like a sore thumb, (If you were there, yes I was that old lady wearing the Jesus VBS shirt, toting the big black doctor's bag. When did I get so darn old?) and I'd run across them at the most random spots....setting at a video game (even though they didn't have any money, and there was a line of people waiting to get on the same game), standing in the corner with other people their age, all desperately trying to look cool, and ignore each other, while standing close enough to each other to look like their all friends with each other.
We were at the skating rink for a total of 3 hours tonight, and I think that each one of my girls spend a total of 10 minutes each skating, and it cost 33 bucks for me to get them in. I'd would have had a much better deal, if I'd ditched them all, and took that money to go get my nails done!! Don't you agree!
Well I guess that I'll go nighty night for now, while I dream of skating rinks that still do the Hokey Pokey, sell beer and don't allow kids...
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
Some guys just don't get it....
Soooo, now that I have a new computer, (Thanks, Phone Company!) I am back!!
The other day, I saw a guy who reminded me of a guy I used to know. Now I ain't one to mention names, (David) but let me tell you about this smoooooth operator.
I remarried about 4 years ago, but before my marriage, I enjoyed the glorious life of a single girl. There was this guy that I had met at one of my many past jobs, who had kept in touch with me throughout the demise of my last marriage and my single years. He acted like such a nice guy. When I first met him, we worked at a LD company. He was in sales, I was in sales support. He was such a nice, professional, courteous gentleman. (Think - snake in the henhouse!) Whenever the girls had a little night out at the bars, he'd chaperone. When we'd had a little too much to drink, there he was offering to drive us home. Drink glass empty? Here's another drink from good ole' David.
He was a basically a nice looking guy, but totally not my type. So there was never any attraction on my part, nor did I feel that he might have had the hots for me! (He's about 6 inches shorter than me and dainty, I'd be afraid that I'd break him in half, if I jumped his bones.)
I used to feel sorry for him, because he was always moaning and groaning about how he had to sell something, because he was having to pay his ex-wife a ton a alimony, AND he was also paying a ton in child support to his child with this chickie.. He was so broke that he had to live at his parent's, and he could barely scrape by. Poor sweet guy!!
Well, he kept this game up for a couple of years. We both changed jobs, but still kept in touch. I was his shoulder to cry on, and I knew that if I ever needed a free taxi, he'd be there. Sweet as pie, he was..
So one night out of the blue, he calls me at my house. He says that he is dog/house setting for a friend nearby, and wouldn't it be great if he dropped by my place, and we'd shoot the breeze for a while. I was happy to hear from him, but my kids were at home, and I have a HUGE rule about mixing men and kids. But then I thought, this nice sweet guy, and he IS just a really good friend.
So idiot me, says "Sure you can drop by for a bit, but it is a school night and my boys are both at home, but sure you can come by and visit for a minute." Can you see the words SUCKER written across my forehead?
So he came over (way later than he was suppose to), at about the time that I was going to bed, so I could get up the next morning and go into the office. But, the kids were already in bed, Thank the Lord! So here he comes, toting a bottle of wine. (Nice!) He says that he'll just stay for a glass or two. "Cool" I think, he'll be gone in an hour or less!
Hahahaha, did I say that I was a sucker? Oh yeah, he drunk all the wine he brought, all the wine I had in the house, found some beer in his car, and he drunk that too. Heck, I wouldn't have been surprised to have seen him working on the toilet cleaner. So about 2 hours later, near midnight he annouces that he is drunk and that he's afraid to drive the half mile over to the house that he's staying at.
"Uh- I thought you were also dog sitting", I thought. So he asked me if he could stay the night and that he conveniently has his office suit out in his car, because he just picked it up from the drycleaners. (Oh, it gets better from here!) So reluctantly, very reluctantly, I say that he can stay in the guest room. He seems fine with that.
So he goes out to his car and bring in his suit and his ho-bag (that's a bag that you pack when you know ahead of time that you'll be staying at someone's house for sex - in case you didn't know!) I didn't realize that it was a ho-bag til later. I show him the guest room and the bathroom, and tell him goodnight, and to make himself at home. Then I drag my tired ass off to bed. I was so fricking tired. I took off my make-up, brushed my fangs, and slipped into my favorite ratty looking PJ's. (Far far from sexy!)
About the time, that I was drifting off, I hear a little knock, so I say, "Come in." and guess who standing there in his underpants?!?!? You gotta it! Good ole' David! Now the underpants were not normal, the were actually kind of cute, and could have passed for "wearing in public" shorts. And I noticed that his nipples were pierced (Ladies - This is the BIG warning factor that I missed.) He gets this mopey look on his face, and says that he just really feels like talking and that I am so easy to talk to, can he come in? So I tell him that it's late and I gotta get up early for work tomorrow. . . He starts looking teary eyed, and hangs his head like a little kid. So dummy me, sets up in bed, and he comes over and sits on the edge of the bed.
He starts out telling me how so many girls have done him wrong, the he progresses onto how one girl he knows, is totally in love with him, and hey by the way! he took her to a "couples" club and they made out with a married couple. Next, he talks about how he loves to go to these joints, but he just can't find a girl to go with him. I am so clueless and tired that I am missing these totally lame hints. Meanwhile he keeps asking me to use my bathroom (of the master bath.) Everytime he disappears in there, I start racking my brain trying to figure out how to get rid of his ass with out hurting his feelings.
So after a bit of him talking on and on about only God knows what, because I am half asleep and trying to steer the conversation out of the gutter. He grabs one of my fancy ruflfled, not for sleeping on, pillows and hugs it to his chest. Then he lays it in his lap. Meanwhile I am in shock because here he is, sitting on my damn bed after midnight, pissing and moaning about life, AND manhandling my good pillow!
Next thing I know, he's back to talking about the "couples club" and asking me if I had ever been to one. About this time, I notice my "good" pillow starting to bounce up and down in his lap. OK, now I've had it! (You can irritate me to death, drink all my wine, deprive me of my sleep, but keep your damn paws off my good pillows!) I asked, "What the hell are you doing?" He looks at me like I am outta of my mind for even asking and says, "Somethings, when I snort coke, I have to play with it to keep it hard." He was calm as could be. Then he offered to share his "wonderful" coke with me. Well I lost it then, I told him that he needed to get the hell out, and started herding him to the door. Grabbing his coke, suit and ho-bag, and shoving him, and them out the door and locking it.
Looking back on the incident, I know that I should have seen the warning signs, and that I am sometimes clueless when it comes to bad people. And I wonder why, if he wanted to sleep with me, he didn't just come right out and say it like normal guys do. (Hey, you're hot, let's screw! )
Lastly, he is living proof that people who don't live like God intends, will never know His blessings! That is why his life was so miserable. I hate to get up on the pulpit and I am FAR FAR from perfect, but I really feel the need to point this out in relation to this story.
Well guess you've all had about a belly full of me by now, so I am out! for now...
The other day, I saw a guy who reminded me of a guy I used to know. Now I ain't one to mention names, (David) but let me tell you about this smoooooth operator.
I remarried about 4 years ago, but before my marriage, I enjoyed the glorious life of a single girl. There was this guy that I had met at one of my many past jobs, who had kept in touch with me throughout the demise of my last marriage and my single years. He acted like such a nice guy. When I first met him, we worked at a LD company. He was in sales, I was in sales support. He was such a nice, professional, courteous gentleman. (Think - snake in the henhouse!) Whenever the girls had a little night out at the bars, he'd chaperone. When we'd had a little too much to drink, there he was offering to drive us home. Drink glass empty? Here's another drink from good ole' David.
He was a basically a nice looking guy, but totally not my type. So there was never any attraction on my part, nor did I feel that he might have had the hots for me! (He's about 6 inches shorter than me and dainty, I'd be afraid that I'd break him in half, if I jumped his bones.)
I used to feel sorry for him, because he was always moaning and groaning about how he had to sell something, because he was having to pay his ex-wife a ton a alimony, AND he was also paying a ton in child support to his child with this chickie.. He was so broke that he had to live at his parent's, and he could barely scrape by. Poor sweet guy!!
Well, he kept this game up for a couple of years. We both changed jobs, but still kept in touch. I was his shoulder to cry on, and I knew that if I ever needed a free taxi, he'd be there. Sweet as pie, he was..
So one night out of the blue, he calls me at my house. He says that he is dog/house setting for a friend nearby, and wouldn't it be great if he dropped by my place, and we'd shoot the breeze for a while. I was happy to hear from him, but my kids were at home, and I have a HUGE rule about mixing men and kids. But then I thought, this nice sweet guy, and he IS just a really good friend.
So idiot me, says "Sure you can drop by for a bit, but it is a school night and my boys are both at home, but sure you can come by and visit for a minute." Can you see the words SUCKER written across my forehead?
So he came over (way later than he was suppose to), at about the time that I was going to bed, so I could get up the next morning and go into the office. But, the kids were already in bed, Thank the Lord! So here he comes, toting a bottle of wine. (Nice!) He says that he'll just stay for a glass or two. "Cool" I think, he'll be gone in an hour or less!
Hahahaha, did I say that I was a sucker? Oh yeah, he drunk all the wine he brought, all the wine I had in the house, found some beer in his car, and he drunk that too. Heck, I wouldn't have been surprised to have seen him working on the toilet cleaner. So about 2 hours later, near midnight he annouces that he is drunk and that he's afraid to drive the half mile over to the house that he's staying at.
"Uh- I thought you were also dog sitting", I thought. So he asked me if he could stay the night and that he conveniently has his office suit out in his car, because he just picked it up from the drycleaners. (Oh, it gets better from here!) So reluctantly, very reluctantly, I say that he can stay in the guest room. He seems fine with that.
So he goes out to his car and bring in his suit and his ho-bag (that's a bag that you pack when you know ahead of time that you'll be staying at someone's house for sex - in case you didn't know!) I didn't realize that it was a ho-bag til later. I show him the guest room and the bathroom, and tell him goodnight, and to make himself at home. Then I drag my tired ass off to bed. I was so fricking tired. I took off my make-up, brushed my fangs, and slipped into my favorite ratty looking PJ's. (Far far from sexy!)
About the time, that I was drifting off, I hear a little knock, so I say, "Come in." and guess who standing there in his underpants?!?!? You gotta it! Good ole' David! Now the underpants were not normal, the were actually kind of cute, and could have passed for "wearing in public" shorts. And I noticed that his nipples were pierced (Ladies - This is the BIG warning factor that I missed.) He gets this mopey look on his face, and says that he just really feels like talking and that I am so easy to talk to, can he come in? So I tell him that it's late and I gotta get up early for work tomorrow. . . He starts looking teary eyed, and hangs his head like a little kid. So dummy me, sets up in bed, and he comes over and sits on the edge of the bed.
He starts out telling me how so many girls have done him wrong, the he progresses onto how one girl he knows, is totally in love with him, and hey by the way! he took her to a "couples" club and they made out with a married couple. Next, he talks about how he loves to go to these joints, but he just can't find a girl to go with him. I am so clueless and tired that I am missing these totally lame hints. Meanwhile he keeps asking me to use my bathroom (of the master bath.) Everytime he disappears in there, I start racking my brain trying to figure out how to get rid of his ass with out hurting his feelings.
So after a bit of him talking on and on about only God knows what, because I am half asleep and trying to steer the conversation out of the gutter. He grabs one of my fancy ruflfled, not for sleeping on, pillows and hugs it to his chest. Then he lays it in his lap. Meanwhile I am in shock because here he is, sitting on my damn bed after midnight, pissing and moaning about life, AND manhandling my good pillow!
Next thing I know, he's back to talking about the "couples club" and asking me if I had ever been to one. About this time, I notice my "good" pillow starting to bounce up and down in his lap. OK, now I've had it! (You can irritate me to death, drink all my wine, deprive me of my sleep, but keep your damn paws off my good pillows!) I asked, "What the hell are you doing?" He looks at me like I am outta of my mind for even asking and says, "Somethings, when I snort coke, I have to play with it to keep it hard." He was calm as could be. Then he offered to share his "wonderful" coke with me. Well I lost it then, I told him that he needed to get the hell out, and started herding him to the door. Grabbing his coke, suit and ho-bag, and shoving him, and them out the door and locking it.
Looking back on the incident, I know that I should have seen the warning signs, and that I am sometimes clueless when it comes to bad people. And I wonder why, if he wanted to sleep with me, he didn't just come right out and say it like normal guys do. (Hey, you're hot, let's screw! )
Lastly, he is living proof that people who don't live like God intends, will never know His blessings! That is why his life was so miserable. I hate to get up on the pulpit and I am FAR FAR from perfect, but I really feel the need to point this out in relation to this story.
Well guess you've all had about a belly full of me by now, so I am out! for now...
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Slacker Blog Chick strikes at last!!
So I started my new job. Love It!! But I still don't have a computer, so I am trying to use Hubby's piece of crappola that doesn't have a freakingspacebardammit!! Anyway, I wanted to share the terrible new with you all.
My ditzy neice wants me to take her for her learner's licenses. This is the poor child who falls UP the stairs atleast once a week. She has chipped about every dish in the house from"helping me" in the kitchen. If you live on the West side of Atlanta, be afraid, be VERY afraid.....
My ditzy neice wants me to take her for her learner's licenses. This is the poor child who falls UP the stairs atleast once a week. She has chipped about every dish in the house from"helping me" in the kitchen. If you live on the West side of Atlanta, be afraid, be VERY afraid.....
Friday, March 04, 2005
A posting...atlast!!
Where have you been little Chickie?? You are all asking. Well, let me tell you some JUICY JUICY news. Some of you dear people may remember about 2 months ago, I interviewed for a job in front of about 7 or 8 people wearing my push up bra. (Remember??Me neither..) Anyway, thought I'd made an ass of myself, but THEY HIRED ME!!! YIPPIE YA YI YO!! It's with the "Phone Company", hint hint wink wink.. I am so very happy, 10K a year more, and bye bye to my old boss "Head Thumper" So, I laid out of work on Tuesday (Which I never ever do!) with one of my "imaginary southern magnolia fainting spell migraines" and got the final word that day. So I dragged my happy ass in on Wednesday, typed up a resignation, and told the boss, "Love ya, behave, and buh bye".
He asked why I was leaving and like the yellow bellied coward that I am, I said, "Oh more money, better benefits, better hours, etc.." instead of saying,"Because my forehead seems to be the favorite target of your booger infected fingers, you pompous ass hole!!" I know that they all (management) knew something was up because the big boss (Who thinks I hung the moon!) called and wanted to know the "real reason" why I quit. I told him the same thing. I was just so grateful to get the crap outta there, and I don't think I should burn any bridges. Heck, I've already burn so many in my life, that you can see them all over the world on Satellite!!
So I start at the "Phone Company"on Monday, doing what I was made for!! I am one happy camper! Funny thing, Bad Hair Elvis(coworker), when he found out grabbed me and hugged me hard (yuck!) and said, "Get me outta here!" I was starting to think he was ok and amusing at the end. I guess hardship brings people closer.
So starting Monday, I will be sitting downtown in a shiny new building, happy as a clam. Whatever will I bitch about now???!!!
Sorry that after a week, that this posting is short and weak, but I am forced to use hubby's, groody computer with the broken space bar on the keyboard. It's just too damn painful to type a sentence, then having to back up and pound the spacebar like a sledgehammer to seperate my words.
So,untilIgetabettercomputersituation,solong,andloveyouall!!
He asked why I was leaving and like the yellow bellied coward that I am, I said, "Oh more money, better benefits, better hours, etc.." instead of saying,"Because my forehead seems to be the favorite target of your booger infected fingers, you pompous ass hole!!" I know that they all (management) knew something was up because the big boss (Who thinks I hung the moon!) called and wanted to know the "real reason" why I quit. I told him the same thing. I was just so grateful to get the crap outta there, and I don't think I should burn any bridges. Heck, I've already burn so many in my life, that you can see them all over the world on Satellite!!
So I start at the "Phone Company"on Monday, doing what I was made for!! I am one happy camper! Funny thing, Bad Hair Elvis(coworker), when he found out grabbed me and hugged me hard (yuck!) and said, "Get me outta here!" I was starting to think he was ok and amusing at the end. I guess hardship brings people closer.
So starting Monday, I will be sitting downtown in a shiny new building, happy as a clam. Whatever will I bitch about now???!!!
Sorry that after a week, that this posting is short and weak, but I am forced to use hubby's, groody computer with the broken space bar on the keyboard. It's just too damn painful to type a sentence, then having to back up and pound the spacebar like a sledgehammer to seperate my words.
So,untilIgetabettercomputersituation,solong,andloveyouall!!
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